


Ode to Yearning

by Ceruleander



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Corny as fuck, Death Themes, Did I say Angst? I'll say it again lol, Eren is a bit dramatic lol, Eren is a lazy piece of ass, Eren is of age though, Eren likes to people watch, Eren over-analizes everything, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Levi is a little shit like usual, Levi is lonely and bitter, M/M, Minor Character Death, Pining!Eren, Self-Discovery, Slow Build, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Tension, Time Skips, Writing and observing, college student!eren, dorks being dorks, me not knowing what I'm doing, writer!levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-22 21:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8302105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceruleander/pseuds/Ceruleander
Summary: Flowing through life like a warm summer breeze was as good as it could be expected. No real worries, no deep-rooted troubles, no regrets—but that also meant having no ambitions whatsoever. When 18-year-old Eren Jeager leaves his hometown to go to college, he never expected to realise how much of a wasteful, feverish fool he'd been all his life. But above all, he never expected to fall in love. Surprisingly, all it took was a very shitty new college life, some tattered books, and a few crumbling autumn leaves.





	1. The man with the green umbrella

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're a happy idiot (but an idiot nonetheless), anything can surprise you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello !  
>   
> This is the first time I post an ereri fic, but I've been shipping it since the anime came out, so I'm excited about writing these two dorks interact.  
> (I should be studying asdhjfgfjbg but I just had to get this out of my system after nursing the fantasy for like a month.)
> 
> I'd like to say that although I study science, I'm not a med student. I really have no idea how the career works, so I apologise for any inconsistencies. I've used the medicine program of my university as a guide and also random info from the internet.

Eren sighed, deep and low, as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. Now that the lights were off, the inside of the train was almost as dark as the starless night sky seen through the few uncovered windows, the dim lights of the lampposts scattered on the road barely illuminating their path and no moon to guide the way. Silence reigned over every wagon, interrupted only by the occasional snores or rustling of clothes coming from passengers already fast asleep, surely in the hopes of washing away the accumulated fatigue of the long, comfortless journey.

He was probably the only person on board who couldn’t seem to snatch his eyes away from the realm of the awake. He should be sleeping, he knew that, but he couldn't bring himself to—he was too concentrated admiring the sight outside the window, an almost otherworldly scene: the night sky hovering predatorily over the earth, as though it were about to make love to it.

Eren was not used to such deep obscurity, having grown up in a side of the countryside where the stars would always be found above one’s head, their distant glow lighting up the night. His parents would sometimes scold him for staying outside till midnight came, sprawled over the grass without a care in the world, his eyes pinned to the sight of hundreds of stars twinkling against the darkness.

He couldn’t decide which sight he loved most. He knew he would miss the clear, endless sky of the countryside, but there was just something unexplainably alluring about the starless, dark and hazy city sky. He had felt drawn to it from the first time he saw it through the windows of his narrow and uncomfortable cabin, knowing that hours later, when that same sky would slowly light up with the soft pinks, yellows and blues of dawn, he’d only grow to love it more. 

After a sleepless night spent admiring the beauty of the unlit skies, the fierce rays of sunlight welcomed the birth of day and slowly pulled the passengers out of their slumber. Only then did Eren allow himself to close his eyes, falling into a drowse that defied the fury of the sun blazing directly into his face. It wasn’t long until the train came to a stop and all the passengers started filing out. He was eventually woken up by the noise and gathered himself up, exiting the train after grabbing his bags and walking right into the station and into the start of his new life.

He was of age now, a 'responsible and capable adult' _,_ according to his father. He was the one who'd insisted many times on how  _wonderful_ leaving off for the big city to study medicine would be, managing to convince Eren eventually. The boy wasn't very pleased; he didn’t really want to leave his parents, his friends, his former life behind... but how could he refuse? His father wouldn’t have listened. He wasn’t even that interested in medicine. It wasn’t as if he hated the profession, but he merely liked the _idea_ of it. Saving lives, curing people, sacrificing oneself for the good of others, the usual crap. He admired his father and all the doctors out there, but he knew deep down that he didn’t feel passionate about any of those ideals, nor for the more technical aspects of the profession. He knew at least it would prove to be a challenge. He liked those.

He was glad he wasn’t being forced to study some boring and math-heavy career, but still, he couldn't feel too content since he didn’t even know what he _really_ wanted to study or to do with his life. 

The train station was right outside the entrance to the subway, and had a route that would take him to his destination, Rose University. He set foot in front of the university’s gates around 4 o’clock, after having eaten a very late lunch at a random burger place, and left off to look for his dorm building. He still didn’t know his way around campus, but the orientation was the next day so he wasn’t really worried.

Without too much trouble he found his room; it was fairly spacious, with three desks, bookshelves and beds, a bathroom and a kitchenette. It looked like his roommates had arrived a while ago since their belongings were already unpacked, so Eren made his way to the empty bed in the right corner and laid down his stuff, before throwing himself on it and closing his eyes.

He was woken up a few hours later by the sound of the door opening and the voices that followed in. He sat up in confusion, surrounded momentarily by darkness that was soon cast away by the glow of the lamp hanging from the ceiling.

“Really? Why would she—oh,” he heard someone say, the person's figure halting upon seeing Eren sitting on the bed.

"Uh... Hi?" 

“Hello!" the person—a freckled, kind-looking boy—said, smiling down at Eren's squinty, drowsy form, his eyes warm and friendly. "You must be our roommate! I’m Marco, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Eren was momentarily stunned by the boy's greeting. He—Marco—seemed like a nice enough guy, like one of those who couldn’t even harm a fly. He reminded him a bit of Armin, his childhood best friend. They had practically grown up together, and he thought they’d never part ways, but Armin’s incredible genius had landed him a scholarship for a very prestigious and far-off university in Sina. He had been a bit mad at first, even if he hadn’t told Armin about it. How could he possibly be happy knowing that he would be separated from one of the few people he actually cared about? 

“I’m Eren, it's nice to meet you too,” he replied after shaking the sleepiness away, noticing another boy standing by the door. He was wearing expensive-looking clothes, his arms crossed and a bored expression on his face.

“Oh, that over there is Jean,” Marco supplied, following Eren’s line of sight.

“Heya,” the guy said nonchalantly, running a hand through his hair. Yawning, he made his way to the bed on the left, facing away from them. 

Eren raised an eyebrow, amused. So he wasn't the only one who was already sleep-deprived, despite classes not having even started yet. 

“Don’t worry, he’s always like that,” the freckled boy commented, although Eren wasn't really sure what he was referring to. The sleep-deprivation, or the whole casually-nonchalant attitude he had going on?

“Do you know him?" he asked, before adding, "I mean, from before,” 

Marco seemed to light up at that, walking off to sit on the bed in the middle. “Yeah, we went to high school together. Our parents were ecstatic when we told them we’d be coming to the same university.” Looking down, Eren pressed his lips into a thin line.

“My best friend left off for Sina University,” he said, not really sure why he was telling Marco about it, “he’s, uh, freaking smart.”

Marco’s lips turned up slightly in an understanding gesture. “You must be upset."

Eren blinked. Was he that easy to read? Though it was pretty obvious, anyway. Anyone would be upset. 

"It's just, it seems like you miss him a lot.”

“I do, but... I’m also very happy for him,” he said, admitting it to himself probably for the first time. Wow, he was such a jerk. He knew he had been acting a bit unfairly towards Armin, instead of supporting him, and now he came to regret not having shown him how proud he was. “I was mad at first, which was very low of me. He seriously deserves to be there.”

Marco laughed softly, turning his head to look at Jean’s slumped form. “I’m sure most of us would react like that.” Eren smiled in agreement. Marco obviously cared a lot about Jean, just like he did about Armin. 

It was still too early to tell how well they'd get along, but based on first impressions, Eren was relieved to have gotten someone like Marco as a roommate. He'd been kinda worried about possibly getting an asshole or a weirdo, so now at least he could rest easy. Regarding Jean... he knew absolutely nothing about him, but he had a feeling he'd be putting him in one of those categories very soon. 

They continued talking for about an hour, getting to know each other better with the usual protocol questions, but the conversation didn’t feel forced or awkward—in fact, he'd quite enjoyed talking to Marco. Eren learnt that he was studying law, and Jean economy. Marco also told him that Jean was French while his own parents were Spanish. At some point Jean woke up and he and Marco left to go to the cafeteria to eat dinner, while Eren finished unpacking. He wanted to get that out of the way first, and either way, he wasn’t used to eating so early in the evening.

He finished organising his things a bit later than expected. It wasn’t as if he had brought a lot of stuff, he just liked taking his time sorting out all his shit. After Marco and Jean came back, he went out to look for a café since the cafeteria had probably already closed. Or maybe not, but he wasn't really feeling like going to a place with so many people this early-on. He would have enough time for that later. 

It was around 9pm but the campus was as lively as if it were the middle of the semester. Young voices and laughter could be heard coming from every building, every corner, lighting up the place more than the lights pouring off from the lampposts and windows.

Once back, he distracted himself by reading random stuff on his phone until he was too tired to go on—after all, he hadn’t slept much the previous night on the train. But once he closed his eyes, he couldn’t stop thinking about his parents and friends back home. And he couldn't stop his mind from drifting off to Armin.

He couldn’t stop worrying about him.

He wondered how his arrival had gone, hoping it was smooth and uneventful. High school had been hard on the blond boy, he would’ve been nothing but a punching bag if not for Eren’s help (even if Eren always got just as beaten, but, whatever). College was different, he knew, but still.

He wondered if Armin would also spend his first night worrying about him. 

The next morning, he woke up feeling slightly restless. He’d forgotten to set on the alarm, but he remembered Marco saying he liked to wake up very early so he didn’t worry about it being late. All students would have the orientation at the same time, a bit after breakfast, so they had time.

Sighing, he untangled himself from the covers and rubbed a hand over his drowsy features, keeping his eyes closed until he got used to the brightness of morning.

“Hey Eren, good morning!” Marco greeted as he came out of the bathroom, a towel around his damp neck. “Did you sleep well? I was just about to wake you up.”

Groaning, Eren lifted himself up on his elbows to better face the freckled boy. “Yeah,” he yawned, “kinda.”

"Dude, classes haven't even started and you already sound like shit," Jean spoke from under the covers, his voice muffled by layers of cloth and sleep.

Eren silently agreed, although the way Jean said it slightly annoyed him—like he was one to talk. Grumbling, he walked off to the bathroom to take a shower. He felt like a fucking zombie, why had he slept so badly? Shit, he really needed that shower. Water somehow always managed to shock him back into reality.

After drying up and dressing himself, he walked out of the bathroom to sort his things out and to make his bed. He always managed to practically wreck the poor thing while he slept, because every morning the sheets and blankets would magically appear on the floor. At first he had hated having to make the bed each time since his mother forced him to, but it soon became a routine.

Marco also started organising his and Jean’s stuff while the latter went into the bathroom. Eren didn't pay mind to it at first, just thinking about how kind Marco was for helping out his friend. Not to mention organised—weren't college students supposed to be messy as hell? 

He felt a bit embarrassed about his own half-assed attempt of arranging the bed. Just a bit.

“When do your classes start?” the freckled boy asked, spreading the blankets over his bed, “mine start today, after the orientation. How can that be? I thought I’d get another day of rest!”

“Oh, that sucks. I should be grateful mine start tomorrow,” Eren replied after deciding the bed was presentable enough. “I am a bit nervous though,” he confessed.

“I think I’m more anxious than nervous. But that’s probably because I’ve got Jean in some of my classes, so I know I won’t be alone."

"Wait, how come? Aren't you in very different careers?"

"Yes, but we share the same basic humanities classes. I think we'll get separated next trimester, probably." 

“Right,” the brunet nodded, deciding that now that he was at it, he might as well fold his pyjamas too. “Lucky, I’m gonna have to go through that awkward first day loner-phase that’s always shown in college movies.”

Chuckling, Marco walked over to one of the shelves and placed the neat sack of folded clothes on it. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll do fine. It can’t be that hard, can it?”

Jean came out of the bathroom a second later and sat down on a chair, before taking out his phone. Eren fleetingly wondered if Jean didn't know how to arrange his own stuff, if he had a princess-complex, or if Marco was just abnormally kind.

"Yeah, I mean, I wonder how—"

“Hurry up you two, or we’ll be late,” Jean cut him off, not looking away from whatever was on the screen of his phone.

It was a legitimate thing for someone to point out, he knew, but somehow the fact that Jean, the only one not doing anything, said it struck a nerve on him. “Whose fault is it? We would've been in the cafeteria long ago if Marco didn’t have to sort out your stuff.”  

That seemed to grab Jean's attention, his head snapping up to glare at Eren. “Huh? Did I ask your opinion?”

“You did when you decided to be a rude ass!”

“Guys, come on,” Marco interjected, letting the clothes he was folding fall on the bed. "I'll sort these things out later. Let's just get going.”

Eren looked away from Jean with feigned indifference. Grabbing his stuff, he followed the pair out of the room and through the hallways.

Once at the cafeteria, Eren bought a small sandwich from one of the bending machines. The menu looked a bit sketchy. 

"So, Elmer, where are you from?" Jean casually asked after they had sat down. 

Elmer? Really?

"It's Eren," he corrected, trying not to sound offended. He briefly considered the possibility of Jean genuinely forgetting his name...

 _Nope,_ no way. He was almost sure he'd done it on purpose. What a dick. "And I'm from Shiganshina. It's about a day away from here on train."

"Oh, isn't that like, in the countryside?" Jean asked, stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth.

Ugh. 

"Well, yes, but there are still modern buildings and stuff, you know?" 

"Of course I know that," Jean scoffed, as Marco laughed at Jean's indignation. 

Eren continued eating his sandwich, trying to not get irritated. He wasn't sure why, but there was something about Jean that ticked him off. 

After they finished eating, they left off for the main auditorium, which was already packed with students. The dean and various faculty leads gave a typical welcoming speech that also covered the rules and some other technical details, before the students were divided into groups according to their faculties and led off around the most important parts of campus. It wasn’t as big as other campuses, but it was still pretty easy to get lost around the vast gardens and brick edifications if you weren’t paying attention.

The orientation was over soon. Marco quickly left off for his first class with a reluctant Jean following close behind, and Eren went back to his dorm room. He wanted a bit more sleep and would definitely get it; he had nothing more important to do than spending his last day of freedom in the laziest way possible.

 

—{x}—

 

His first two weeks of college had gone by in a blur, something for which he was immensely grateful.

He'd been quite busy these past few days and hadn’t even had time to properly get to know the city. Armin had called him a few times during the first days and they'd spoken for hours, telling each other everything about their classes, roommates and professors. Armin was studying Medicine too, so they had spent a lot of time preparing for the entrance exam together in high school, which was probably the reason why Eren had managed to be accepted into his university in the first place (it wasn’t as prestigious as Armin’s, but it was still pretty good). Armin’s roommates were a bit weird but still friendly, _Bertolt and Reiner_ , he had said. From what Armin described, Eren was almost sure there was something juicy going on between the two, even if Armin only dismissed it with a laugh. In turn, he told Armin about Marco and Jean. Eren didn’t share any classes with them, but he ate and hung around with them pretty much all the time. Jean got on his nerves sometimes, but he had to admit that he was fun to be around. Eren still hadn’t made any friends in any of his classes, but he had at least talked a few times to the beautiful raven-haired girl ( _Mikasa_ , he recalled from their brief interaction) that for some reason always sat next to him in his Introduction to Biochemistry class.

He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he missed his parents and felt kind of lonely, especially without Armin by his side. He didn’t let it bother him though, since he was always keeping his mind busy.

Classes so far had been hard. Although it was just the second week, he had already been given a dozen papers to read, a couple of essays, and the threat of two incoming exams. The lessons in themselves were interesting and enjoyable, and he hadn’t been as lost as he thought he’d be (all that studying thankfully paid off). His Anatomy I class was taught by a funny old man and he was positive that his Introduction to biochemistry professor was nuts. Those classes, he could endure, since they were fun and interesting. But he certainly didn’t like the more clinical, patient-oriented classes like Physician-Patient Communication and Introduction to Clinical Ethics.

Currently, it was around 3 in the afternoon. Eren had no more classes for the day and had been intently reading an article for his Physiology I class, but finished it pretty quickly. Tucking it away, he tried to think of what else to work on. He had already turned in most of his assignments, and the ones he had yet to do weren’t due for another two days.

Eren blinked rapidly, going over his mental to-do list, but there were no more immediate assignments. A big smile took residence on his face, as he realised that he had the rest of the day free. Being fairly honest, it wasn’t as if he had been extremely busy those past two weeks—he had had enough time every day to waste on the internet, but only two or three hours. However, today was different. Even Jean and Marco were out, probably at the sport courts or something. It was the perfect chance to go out, breathe some fresh air, and get to know the city he’d been living in for the past weeks but knew nothing about.

After grabbing some things and stuffing them in a bag, he left his dorm and walked out of the university’s gates for the first time since he’d arrived. Looking around, he decided he’d walk through the district for a while and then maybe grab something to eat.

He was once again surprised by how dirty the streets were in comparison to his hometown’s, and by the amount of graffiti on the walls and all the cables hanging off from lampposts. The people he’d pass by were all well-dressed and serious-looking (apparently this was somewhat of a posh district) but what stunned him the most was that all of them were engrossed in their little, personal worlds. Back in his hometown, everyone would look so relaxed and would stop to chat whenever they ran into an acquaintance on the streets. It was obvious that such a thing couldn’t happen in a big metropolis, but he still missed the simplicity and familiarity of small, secluded towns.

He’d been walking for about an hour now, and had passed by many residential compounds, cafeterias, restaurants, malls, and a very big shopping centre. The parts he’d been walking around were fairly easy to recognise and remember, especially since he was mostly walking forward without making turns, so that he could go back easily without getting lost. It was reassuring to know that the university was so well situated. All those tall, narrow, urban constructions against the grey, misty sky made him feel slightly off though, as he was used to buildings with no more than five floors and areas full of green that always looked beautiful against the deep blue of the sky.

As he headed back to campus through a slightly different but still recognisable path, he passed by a very big park located in front of a residence compound and a few blocks down from a café. The vast flower gardens and endless vegetation made Eren stop in his tracks, images of the countryside surfacing in his mind. He didn't really notice he had moved until he was inside the park. 

He decided to just lie on the grass, look up at the passing clouds and rest there for a bit, like he used to do with Armin whenever they had free time. It was fairly empty and quiet, thankfully—he was used to the silent calm of the countryside, and not to the noisy echoes of the city. There were some kids playing around who’d just gotten out of school, and a few grown ups sitting around in the few benches scattered around the park. Eren walked off towards a spot of grass right under a tree and lay down, leaning his back against it. The spot was slightly uphill, so he had a very good view of the rest of the park and the people in it.

Soft rays of sunlight filtered by the trees fell on his face and he closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of day spreading through his body. He was glad it was such a beautiful afternoon; he quite loved the hot, refreshing spring weather—warm like summer, but not as suffocating. The kind breeze played with strands of his hair and made the leaves of nearby trees dance, making the whole park shake in its passing.

In the far distance he could see two small children playing, probably siblings, running around and screaming at each other, laughing at whatever childish jokes came out of their tiny mouths. They surely had had a good day at school, probably no homework to bring home and no worries to cloud their youthful minds. 

Sweeping his gaze around, he saw a young woman, probably in college, sitting on a bench with a small book resting on her lap. She was completely engrossed in it, a longing expression decorating her features, eyes dazed. It must’ve been a romantic novel, Eren mused, judging by the soft blush she sported; she was probably thinking about her boyfriend or crush while reading. Seemingly out of nowhere, a man appeared from behind her and surprised her with an embrace. She giggled softly after the initial shock and turned around to kiss him. Eren looked away— _boyfriend, huh—s_ uddenly feeling like he was intruding on a private moment. 

Shrugging it off, he looked around the park for another subject. Having too much time and nothing to do during his younger years, when the internet hadn’t been a blast yet, had taught him the love for people watching. It proved to be extremely entertaining, but sometimes he felt like he went too far. He thought he was pretty good at guessing what people were going through (even if he wasn't particularly attentive, in the strict sense of the word) though maybe that was just his imagination running wild, trying to make life a little bit more interesting. 

From the corner of his eye he caught sight of a serious looking raven-haired man, sitting on a nearby bench and intently scribbling down words into what looked like a notebook. There was a dark green umbrella resting against the bench, with black stripes running along its surface. The man looked totally plain and ordinary, but Eren couldn’t grasp why in the world he would be carrying an umbrella—the day had been as clear and warm as if it were summer, and he didn’t remember the weather forecast saying anything about rain.

Odd. But maybe he was just being cautious?

Eren shifted his gaze away from the odd umbrella man and noticed that the two kids who’d been playing were gone.

_Is it that late already?_

Glancing at the sky, he shook his head. It wasn’t dark yet, so it was probably around 6 o’ clock. He was too lazy and comfortable to move and search in his bag for his phone, so he just closed his eyes and focused on the sounds of nature surrounding him. There were birds singing gleefully, their soft and melodious voices blending in with the rustling of leaves. It was probably the last warm hour of the evening, the sun still lingering up above his head, waiting for its cue to hide behind the curtain of dusk. Eren could hear the distant, fading voices of children playing and dogs barking, the last specks of youth lighting up the park not unlike the sun. He felt a bit jealous, but only a little bit—although the prospect of playing around like a child made his insides burst with nostalgia, he was probably more content just lying there, lazily enjoying the warmth of the day while he still could.

Soon enough, the sky started to darken, soft reds and oranges covering the heavens as though they were tucking the earth to bed. The sun had become shy, slowly descending into the horizon until it couldn’t be seen anymore. Eren glanced around, noticing how the park had visibly emptied. There was something almost mystical and quite endearing about the park in such a dark, somber state. Various lampposts had started coming to life, their glow faintly enveloping the place in a surreal, dreamlike atmosphere. Now instead of the frail, tender youth that had populated the park hours before, a new set of visitors started floating in, all joined hands, shy voices and warm, coy smiles.

Eren had been so focused on the slow but progressive change in atmosphere that he almost didn’t notice the odd umbrella man standing up from the bench and walking off towards the entrance Eren had come in from.

 _How short,_ Eren thought to himself once he saw him properly. He wasn't kidding, he measured like, what, 5 feet? Armin was short, sure, but not _that_ much. He couldn’t suppress a laugh at the thought of such a grown and serious looking man measuring so little.

The raven halted, apparently having been close enough to notice him laughing— _why_  the boy was laughing was no mystery to the man, he was pretty used to being the laughing stock of strangers—and turned his head sharply to fix the disrespectful boy in place with a glare.

Eren blinked, the laughter dying in his throat, and pretended to examine the little grass blades beneath his legs as if he'd find some hidden truth in them. When he was sure the man had walked off, he looked up and stared at his retreating form before sighing. He’d have to be more careful. This was the city, he reminded himself. He’d forgotten there were so many people who took offence in such petty things.

Like Jean, for instance. 

_Odd and scary, then. Oh, and short._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.  
> Levi made a very fleeting appearance but I promise it'll all build up to more interesting interactions.  
> I think it was a bit short, but the future chapters will be longer. I'm not sure when I'll update, I'm a bit busy with finals and all, but maybe if i'm bribed with comments and reviews i'll consider updating earlier.... haha //kills self
> 
> No, seriously, feedback is like the fuel that keeps writers alive. Don't kill us :(


	2. To lose yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're a foreigner to sadness (not to mention an utter fool), you can make a joke out of anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's one in the fucking morning and I don't know what i'm doing. Please, ignore any mistakes. I'll fix them later, after I get some proper sleep.

“Hey, Eren?”

Stopping in his tracks, he looked at the source of the voice in surprise. “Um, yeah?”

In the background, Eren could hear the distinct noise of chairs being pulled out and bags being shuffled about as students filed out of the classroom, voices brimming with relief after a very intense lecture spent listening to their crazy biochemistry professor— _Hange Zoe, the personification of unbridled passion—_ arguing about the possible and simultaneously-existing resonance structures of various molecules, amongst other things.

“I wanted to know if you had your notes on the topic we saw last class...” Mikasa, the beautiful raven-haired girl that sat next to him trailed off, a tinge of shyness in her voice that didn’t go well with her whole appearance. She paused for a second, as if gauging his reaction. Eren just blinked at her, urging her to continue. “...I seem to have lost them.”

He wasn’t going to lie—he was very surprised _and_ happy that the girl had decided to ask him, of all people. She was quiet, mysteriously reserved and always alone, and it looked like people avoided her or something, but he’d sometimes seen her talking to a somewhat intimidating blonde girl. Why hadn’t she gone to her instead? Their previous interactions had consisted of simple greetings, (although at least Eren had had the guts to ask her name when he had sat next to her on the first day), so he was glad that she'd decided to talk to him. 

“Ahh, I do. What exactly do you need?” Walking back to the desk, he took his notebook out of his bag and shuffled the pages until he found what he needed. He threw a sideway glance at her, noting that she was trying—but failing _—_ to repress a small, relieved smile. He suddenly thought that she didn't look like the type to lose anything, but that thought soon died out, since he didn't really have any reason nor knew her enough to doubt her.

“Just the very last part. Would you be alright if I took a picture?”

Pushing the notebook towards her, he shrugged noncommittally. “Go ahead.”

She took her phone out, a modern samsung model with a curious red case, and quickly held it over the page.

“Thank you," she said humbly. "If you ever need help with anything—anything at all, just tell me.”

Eren put the notebook away, smiling at the girl. He was happy to now at least be on more casual talking terms with her; in a certain way the ice had been broken. And she seemed friendly too—in her own way. “Don’t worry about it, and sure, I will.” After a nod at her direction, he turned around and walked away in somewhat of a hurry. He really would’ve liked to talk a bit more, but he didn’t want to be late for his physiology lecture.

The lecture went by in a blur (mainly because it was only one hour long, instead of 2 hours like most of his classes), professor Pixis talking solemnly about the science of movement and the process of contraction in muscles. Throughout the lesson, he heard snickers and giggles coming from a pair of airheads sitting behind him. One was a guy with a buzzcut and the other was a brunette girl with a ponytail. He’d gotten used to their foolish antics by now, but it was still a bit annoying. If you didn’t know it was them making all the noise, you wouldn’t think they were the troublemaking type. 

He had another class in three hours so he decided to go to the library to work on some assignments. He didn’t have to walk much because the library was in the centre of campus, so it was close to every faculty. It was usually empty at this hour of day, since most students had classes between 10 and 12—and for that he was glad. He really couldn’t concentrate with loud voices surrounding him, especially if those voices came from annoying, self-entitled pricks who shouldn’t be in the library in the first place if all they were gonna do was talk and laugh their asses off.

Time passed quickly and uneventfully while he waited for his class. The menu at the cafeteria had been particularly good— _roasted beef and green spaghettis—_ so he was in a good mood (he was easily influenced by food, but come on, who wasn’t?), and he wouldn’t let Jean ruin it, even after he said that he loathed pasta. Marco had told them he’d be participating in a debate soon, which made him very nervous. Jean slapped him on the back, telling him he’d rock it, and Eren reassured him that he was great with arguments and convincing people, so he had nothing to fear.

They parted ways at 2 o’clock, each one of them heading off to a different class. It was Eren’s last class of the day, since he only had 3 classes on Thursdays. He liked Thursdays, they weren’t as depressing as Sundays or as dreadful as Mondays. The rest of the days were alright; not good, not bad. He used to love Fridays, but not anymore. They were one of his busiest days and he had German class on Saturdays, so it wasn't as special as it used to be back in high school, when you could look forward to going to bed at inhumanly early hours in the morning without worrying about having to do anything the next day.

After the lecture ended, Eren felt like having a walk instead of going back to his dorm room. He wasn’t in the mood to spend all his afternoon procrastinating, and wasn’t tired enough to want to sleep it away. Shrugging, he decided to go out for a bit—he wasn’t very keen on staying in all day long when he didn’t have anything to do, anyway. Back home he used to spend so much time outdoors with his friends, but since he didn’t have them anymore...

He supposed he could just indulge himself. 

It had been a little more than a week since he’d had a free day, and since then he hadn’t ventured out of campus again. He’d been quite busy studying his ass off for an anatomy test he thankfully ended up rocking—a B+ for Eren was a benevolent gift, thank you very much.

As always, the campus was full of students chatting with each other, laughing and wasting time while they waited for their next class to roll by. He felt a slight tinge of something greenish at the sight of friends enjoying each other’s company. 

He looked away sharply, walking off and reaching the gates after a few minutes. The streets of the city weren’t very busy since most people were at work, but there were some high schoolers wandering around with their friends, walking into malls and restaurants with big smiles plastered on their faces. Slightly irritated, Eren picked up his pace, trying to get away from the green sight seemingly intent on haunting him. He spotted a small, quirky café a bit further down the street and realised it was the same one he’d seen last week, near the park.

How convenient, he thought, especially since he was kind of craving something sweet.

The inside was warm and cozy, a nice contrast to the slightly cold and humid weather outside. It was almost empty, save for a few people chatting away or silently enjoying the warmth of a drink. He ordered a coffee and a chocolate bar, putting the latter away into one of his pockets. He sat himself down near one of the windows, before staring off at the sights outside. The sky was covered by a dark mist, though it was devoid of any clouds. Eren didn’t think it would rain, but it was still pretty cold. These were the days he liked the most, perhaps because he wasn’t used to them. Back home, most days were blistering hot and suffocatingly lacking in freshness; he still somehow enjoyed their intensity, but nothing could beat the cozy feeling of being wrapped up in sweet layers of clothing and warming oneself with a good drink. That’s why he liked spring so much, its tempered weather gave him a reason to seek warmth, without the fear of suffocation. He contemplated staying there, taking out a book and forgetting everything else, but he thought he’d be more comfortable lying down somewhere he could enjoy the cold breeze against his skin and the sight of the shrouded skies.

After leaving the café, he decided to go to the park a few blocks away. He had enjoyed himself quite a lot the last time he’d been there.

It was, just like the first time, full of gleeful children and barking dogs being chased around by concerned and reprimanding parents. It seemed like high schoolers didn’t really like to frequent the park, instead choosing to go to other more ‘grown-up’ places like cinemas and shopping malls during the evening—like the bunch he'd seen earlier—or bars and nightclubs during the night.

It was still a bit early, Eren mused, noting it was only about 5 in the evening. It felt as if it were 7 o’clock, since the sun had left the sky pretty early on the day, leaving room to the obscurity so usual of lonely, plain evenings.

He was tempted to just go and lie down on the grass, but decided against it in favour of walking around the park. Last time, he’d felt so lazy and comfortable on his little spot under the tree that he hadn’t even considered what the rest of the park might look like, but now that he had a little more energy and less desire to lie down, it was the perfect chance.

There were countless trees of all kinds, from large pines to robust oaks, all surrounded by beautiful flowers blooming in preparation for summer. There were benches of various styles, some modern, some stone like, some wooden and old, and also various stone paths that led off to God knew where. One in particular caught his eye, a path that he guessed went straight from one side of the park to the other, bordered on both sides by trees that created a tunnel of shadows and obscurity. On another day with a slightly lighter weather, Eren could imagine how beautiful that path would look like, bathed in a mosaic of light filtered by the canopy of the trees. Today in particular, it was a bit somber and empty. Apparently not many people liked to walk through it, preferring to wander through much lighter and open paths.

His guess had been sort of right, the path did go through one end to the other, only that instead of reaching the edge, Eren had ended up very close to the point where he’d stayed at last time. He made  his way to it and sat down, before letting out a sigh of content. He could feel the chilly evening air hitting his skin and making him shiver in all the right ways, though the heavy layers of humid mist floating about prevented him from being able to see the farthest parts of the park with much clarity.

He was enchanted by the pale grey of the sky, a gloomy yet beautifully tragic colour that contrasted with the bright and inviting petals of the flowers. The green of the trees was dulled out by the mist, a watery coat enveloping the trunks and leaves like a second skin. Cotton-like splashes of fog floated in the air, a curtain of water highlighting the forgotten colours left behind by the flowers as branches shook softly with the wind, making the park seem as though it was submerged underwater.

Eren wasn't really sure how long he stayed there, slumped over the tree with his eyes stuck to the misty sky as his mind and body became practically numb. Only did he snatch his eyes away when he noticed the world starting to darken. 

He looked at his surroundings, noticing the mist had cleared down a bit. The sky was definitely darker now, since the sun had already set but the lampposts hadn’t been lit on yet. Families were starting to leave, but there were still many youths and some adults resting and lying about. Not many of them were sitting in his immediate surroundings, except for one or two, unlike the last time. Looking closer, he recognised one of them as the odd umbrella man from the other day, the one who'd shot him the most terrifying glare he'd ever seen. Well, he'd deserved it.

Just like before, the odd man had brought his umbrella, which was currently resting besides him on the bench. Eren couldn’t blame him this time. That morning it had seemed very likely for it to rain, and now the darkness of the evening was no better indicator, although it was still virtually impossible considering the absence of clouds. 

This time he was keenly reading a book, a deep frown decorating his pale forehead. He still looked plain and ordinary, but there was an air of irritation surrounding him—even if his features were calculatedly neutral _—_ that he didn't usually see in the other park-goers. Didn’t he like the book he was reading, or was he stuck on a particularly sucky part? Maybe he had had an awful day? No, but if Eren recalled correctly, the man had also looked pretty annoyed last time, though at first he'd thought nothing of it. Yes, anyone could be irritated because of something that happened to them during the day, but this man apparently made it a routine.

Eren couldn’t help grinning, thinking about how amusing it was that the scary, odd man looked so irritated while being so ridiculously short. He reminded him of an angry chihuahua. No one took chihuahuas seriously, despite all their barking, because of their size. Though this little angry man was more of a shrunken pitbull than a chihuahua, if he was being fairly honest; after all, he had to admit he was pretty scary.

The other person he’d seen was an old woman sitting on a stone bench, calmly sipping what looked like cold tea—why would she drink something so awful? She looked tired but content, little wrinkles forming around her eyes as she contemplated her unmoving beverage as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. She was wearing a pretty cozy coat and a quirky hat, but besides that, she looked totally boring, for lack of a better word.

Sighing, Eren shifted his gaze away from the boring old lady and back to the little angry man, who was still frowning. He didn't know why, but he suddenly felt the urge to understand why he was so upset. Why would he be reading something that made him angry? Unless, Eren thought to himself, that was just the man's default mode. 

Suddenly, the man looked up from the book and glanced around with slightly squinted eyes, as if searching for something, before his gaze stumbled upon Eren's. Something like recognition or surprise flashed across his eyes, Eren couldn't be sure, but it was soon replaced by what he could only describe as irritation. Muttering something under his breath that awfully seemed like a curse, the man looked away with an even deeper frown than before.

Instead of feeling confused, like always, Eren felt slightly upset. Was there something on his face, or what? Did people just think that he was an appropriate target for hatred? Why did this man feel like it was alright for him to take his anger out on complete strangers?  

Sighing, he willed himself to just shrug it off. Sometimes it was hard for him to remember that, no, the world wasn’t against him, that was just how human beings were, especially those from the city (although he was sure that Jean _did_ have something against him... but that was besides the point). You could practically see the stress, the bitterness, the weight of routine and monotony coming off from the people you’d spot walking down the streets or sitting on the park’s benches. Their lives were governed by anxiety, by duty, by the same modernity that was supposed to make things easier and less stressful. Eren breathed out a puff of warm air, realising he'd been lucky to not have gone through such a sour life. All the people he saw on a daily basis had their own problems and reasons to feel miserable, after all.

This little angry man, however... he was on another level. The more Eren looked at him now, the more at home that frown felt on his face—almost as if he'd been born with it—, the more fitting the bitter atmosphere around him seemed. Eren had been joking before, taking the man’s irritation as something to laugh at. But now, now he realised how truly _sad_ he looked. Sad unlike anything he'd ever seen before. 

Yes, there were many people who were prey to stress and sadness, but they weren’t so… so _open,_  so transparent. They usually masked their suffering behind a smile, behind their phones, their work, their daily routines. This man was resignation made flesh, presenting himself to the world without a care. 

He couldn’t understand it, why had this man given himself over to bitterness? Why didn't he even try to hide how absolutely miserable he seemed— _shit, Eren, stop_ _it! It's none of your freaking business._

Reluctantly, Eren snatched his eyes away from the man and stared off at the sky. It had darkened considerably, though the change hadn’t been as drastic, knowing that the day had been enclosed by darkness for some hours already. The park was slowly brought back to life by the lights of the lampposts casting away the obscurity of the evening and by the delighted voices of youth, their laughter loud and intoxicating. The mist had cleared out, leaving in its place only dim lights and joyous faces. He couldn’t see children anymore, they had surely withdrawn to the comfort of their homes, and the old boring lady from before had left at some point, probably before it had gotten so dark. Soon, even the little angry man stood up from the bench and walked out of the park, the frown still present on his features.  

He didn’t know why, but today the park felt emptier, sadder. Maybe it was the fact that there had been no dusk, or maybe it was because not so many people came on Thursdays. But last time it had been Monday, and he seriously doubted that more people would come on such a dreadful day. Perhaps it was the weather? The prospect of rain was surely strong enough to scare off many park-goers. It wouldn’t scare him, though. He’d only been here twice, but he had really come to enjoy it, and wondered what the park would look like covered in rain.

There was something exhilaratingly peaceful about being surrounded by so much nature, away from the stress and worry of his studies, from the urban sights of the city. He usually didn’t get overly-preoccupied when he had busier days, but perhaps it would be a good idea to start coming more often, as a way of having a break from the pressures of duty.

Speaking about duty, it was probably time to go back. He didn’t really know how long he’d been there, but it had felt like hours. Checking on his phone, he whistled when he read the _8:49_ flickering on the screen. Had it been _that_ long? How the fuck had that happened? Well, he had always been particularly good at spacing out and losing track of time, especially when he was people-watching.

He didn’t remember very well, but last time he’d left pretty early, maybe around seven? It would feel strangely good to return to his dorm room at this hour in the night, and when Jean asks him ‘ _where the fuck have you been?_ ’ just vaguely reply ‘ _e_ _h, around_ ’ with a little smug smirk on his face—

Eren sighed. Who was he kidding?

For them, late was definitely 1 in the fucking morning, not 9 o’clock. Still, what if he felt excited? He’d never really stayed out in the streets till late, since back at home there was no reason to. He would rather stay up late in Armin’s house playing video games, or unblinkingly staring up at the stars while being sprawled over the grass in his house’s garden.

Soon, he stood up from his spot and glanced around. Now there were even more young people lying around on the grass and sitting on benches, laughing and… were they drinking? Well, that was a pretty common thing to do, he supposed. Shrugging, he dusted himself off and stepped forward, but halted when he noticed something in his peripheral vision. Turning slightly around, he recognised the thing as a book lying on top of a bench.

Approaching the bench, Eren picked up the book and raised it to his face.

 _Of grief and loss,_ it read, by some dude named _E. Smith_. Whoosh, what a depressing title. It looked quite old and worn out, which made sense since it was apparently published 10 years ago. The title made it sound like one of those motivational, self-help and really freaking lame books, but the reviews on the back spoke of it as some sort of biographical, romantic novel? What a weird combination, he thought. Opening it, he noticed in the top right corner of the first page two delicately written letters: _L.A._

Los Angeles?

Genius.

Or, you know, maybe the person’s initials? Yeah, that was more likely.

It really pained him to see an abandoned book. It wasn’t as if he loved to read, but he did appreciate a good book, a warm drink and cozy blankets on a cold day (that was probably thanks to Armin). Why would anyone leave it there though?

Okay, Eren, fucking use your brain. _Obviously_ the person had forgotten it—hang on, wasn’t this the bench the little angry man had been sitting on?

Oooh, yes. Yes it was.

He was about to laugh, shrug and place the book back on the bench, when he was hit by the irony of the situation. 

Such a sad man losing a book that spoke of grief and loss? What a joke! Why was he reading that in the first place? Shit, it couldn't get any more depressing. Wait, it actually could. Eren could already imagine how the frown on the man’s face would get impossibly deeper once he got home and realised that he'd just lost his book—

 _Fuck,_ that was awfully sad.

Well, optimistically, the book would stay there till tomorrow and the man would be able to find it, that is, supposing no one stole it or threw it away... and supposing the man came back tomorrow... 

Alright, nope. His mother had brought him up with principles. He knew people were dicks, and city folks were probably 10 times worse. Judging by all the movies he’d watched and by Jean’s existence, it was probably true. So he decided to be a sensible and respectable human being, if only this once, and take the book with him to return it the next day, instead of leaving it there to die. 

It gave him hope to think that out there there were more respectable humans who’d also pick up and return lost items to their owners if they stumbled across them. He would be certainly happy if he lost something like his wallet, and someone kind enough returned it to him. It would surely make anyone's day, wouldn’t it?

And that man definitely needed someone to make his day.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha...ha.. ok, i'm slightly proud that I managed to update in less than a month. Now that i'm in vacations, I should be able to update sooner than that. Key word: Should.
> 
> Oh yeah, Levi's been very quiet so far, I'm sorry, but you'll have to hold on until next chapter—then things will get interesting. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, though it was still pretty short. Please leave comments and feedback!


	3. In between layers of rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're a simple bystander (and a carefree one at that), anything can warm your heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is this shit so corny? I'm so sorry lol.

“The stimulus is translocated inside the membrane after the appropriate receptors have intercepted it. From there on, two responses can be produced, either a ‘fast’ or ‘slow’ one. This first response involves a change in the conformation of membrane proteins, for example, the opening of a proton pump. The second is ‘slower’ since it involves the transduction of the signal into the nucleus, in order to activate RNA transcription factors,” professor Zoe explained, pointing at a diagram of a cell on the projector.

“As I mentioned before, I want you to study in detail a metabolic pathway and its different responses. It must be one that we won’t be seeing in class, presented in no more than 4 pages. The deadline is next Friday, so you have exactly a week—no complaints there, yes? However, since I will have little time to correct 60 something papers…” she trailed off, unabashedly, “I decided to put you up in pairs! How wonderful, isn’t it?”

A collective rustle was heard throughout the lecture room, though Eren couldn’t tell if it was because of excitement or dread. He didn’t have time to decide whether _he_ felt dread or not because his attention was shifted onto the girl next to him, Mikasa, who had softly poked him in the arm.

“Eren, do you want to be my partner?” she whispered firmly, though he could make out a tinge of hesitation in her voice. It was quite a difference from last time, though. People around the class started whispering amongst each other too, looking for partners. It felt like elementary school all over again.

“Sure, why not?” he replied with a small smile. This was actually great, now he wouldn’t have to go through the awkward process of looking for a partner. If she hadn’t asked him, he would’ve asked her anyway; she was the only one he knew in the class.

“After class we should discuss the theme, maybe we could go to the library or a study room—”

“Oh, you guys, why did you suddenly get so talkative?” professor Zoe’s voice was distinct against the sea of hazy whispers, and there was a glint in her eyes that the students had come to know well— _too_ well. There was no going back now, they all realised dreadfully, as the room quieted down. “ _Ooooh_ , I know! Maybe you got bored? Don’t worry! My tale of how I came about a Capybara is extremely entertaining! You see, it all started on a rainy, dark day, when you couldn’t even see the sky because of the mist floating around! A group of researchers and I were in the heart of the Amazon rainforest, searching for an extremely poisonous frog _..._ ” she started recounting excitedly as a collective sigh rolled through the classroom, everyone bracing themselves in preparation for the next 50 minutes. Even Mikasa seemed displeased, which was rare on her usually neutral features.

Saying that those 50 minutes felt more like 3 hours would be an understatement, especially since professor Zoe took some extra time off the lesson at the end. Eren was lucky that this was his last class of the day, or else he would have been late. But if he was being honest, the tale had proven to be kind of enjoyable, or at least it would've been had it been told by someone different to professor Zoe—her raw enthusiasm and meticulous descriptions sucked any potential enjoyment out of it.

When she finally dismissed them Eren almost ran out the classroom, forgetting completely about Mikasa. He was about to go back when he spotted her making her way out through the door, and it almost seemed as if people scattered away when she passed by— _almost._

“I thought you had gone off,” she said after catching up to him, her expression calculatedly neutral, as always.

“I thought that too,” Eren joked despite knowing that she wouldn’t laugh, stepping out of the way as some students passed next to him. “So a study room, it is? Or should we go somewhere else?”

She looked as if she was considering it for a moment, her brows slightly furrowed. “It’s only 4 o’clock, maybe we could go somewhere outside of campus?”

Eren was about to reply when a monstrous grumble came out of his belly. He'd eaten a poor man's lunch, and it was showing.

Raising an amused eyebrow, Mikasa smirked at him. “A café, perhaps?”

“Hmm, yeah,” he laughed, “I don’t think I want to stay here any longer, after the lecture,” involuntarily shuddering, he remembered professor Zoe talking about accidentally bursting out the frog’s intestines and describing in _great detail_ the odours that had come out from it. He was somehow still hungry, though...? Who could understand a college student's food-lust? “I know one that’s pretty close from here, unless you have another one in mind?”

“That one is fine,” she replied, no particular tone lacing her words. Eren wasn’t sure if she'd wanted him to choose, or if she simply didn’t care.

They walked away from the building in silence through a shortcut Mikasa knew well, and made it to the gates in less than 5 minutes.

“I had no idea this path existed,” Eren spoke, glancing at his companion, “though to be fair, I don’t even know my way around that well.”

Mikasa hummed inquiringly, looking at him through the corner of her eyes. “You don’t?”

“I'm not from here, you see. So, just enough. I think I’d lose my way if I got distracted for more than two seconds,” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck as the raven girl’s lips turned slightly upwards. His eyes lingered on her profile even after she had turned away, surprised by her small but undoubtedly significant reaction.

Even though they hadn’t talked much and he didn’t really pay much attention to her, he could tell that she usually didn’t seem as content, interested or relaxed as she was right now. She was mysterious, quiet, always calm and collected, and now he was pretty sure that people hated her or something, but he liked her. She was a woman of a few words, he could tell, but one of her words was more valuable than a thousand spurted out of an idiot’s mouth.

They kept on walking, Mikasa leading the way—she knew it well, Eren mused, maybe she was from around here?

“Yes,” Mikasa replied, pulling Eren out of his thoughts. _Shit, I asked that aloud_. “I grew up in this neighbourhood, although I moved around a lot as a child.”

“Moved around… as in, from house to house? Why?” he asked without thinking, only then realising his lack of tact. He could already imagine a bunch of reasons why. 

She stared at him with her head facing ahead as if debating whether to answer, before sighing and turning to face him properly. “My parents died when I was very young,” she said, staring at him unblinkingly, “so I was often moved from one house to another, passed around by relatives.”

“Oh _,_ ” he whispered, looking down as Mikasa continued walking. He knew it would be something like that, but he hadn't expected her to actually tell him. What the hell was he supposed to say now? He was never good at these types of things, he never knew if the person would get offended if he showed pity or if that was the reaction they expected! He didn’t know much about the girl but he could tell she'd hate to be pitied, so saying the typical ‘ _sorry for your loss_ ’ was out of the question. 

He was saved from having to go on with the conversation when they arrived at the café. It was as cozy and warm as he remembered, though that wasn’t particularly significant today since the weather outside was mildly hot, unlike the previous day. They waited in line to place their orders and then sat down on a table by the window, all without saying a word. He really wantedto say something, he just didn’t know what. At least Mikasa didn’t look awkward or upset, she just seemed… expectant?

“Uh, well,” he mumbled, finally mustering up the courage to say something. “My best friend lost his parents at a very young age, too.”

Mikasa raised an eyebrow, probably trying to see how that mattered right now. 

Fucking hell, why was he making everything about himself? Now he sounded like an absolutely conceited douche. Willing those thoughts away, he decided now that he'd started he might as well just go on. 

“He’s... skinny, small and easily startled. But he’s extraordinarily smart, brave and kind. Most people at home see him as weak and pitiful, especially because of what happened to his pare—well, you know. The point is, they missed out on so much, just because they couldn't see past the shell of pity and misfortune they thought surrounded him. I was mad at them, at first. How dare they give up on him like that? But now," he paused, looking down as he remembered all the good times he'd had with Armin, when it'd been just the two of them. It'd been a privilege, really—like keeping a treasure to himself that no one else knew of. "Now I'm honestly just glad to be one of the few who really know how truly bright he is, and how hard it will be for that brightness to burn out.” 

Glancing up again at Mikasa, he was surprised to see her looking slightly confused, her mouth parted, as if she didn't really know what to say. He'd never seen her like that. 

"You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. He wondered that, too. He didn't know how to explain it, but there was just something in her, something in the way she carried herself as though the whole world was no match for her, that now, knowing her background, made him feel oddly warm inside—something he'd only ever felt when thinking of Armin. 

Oh. 

"I guess it's because, for some reason... you remind me of him."

It seemed almost comical, the way Mikasa's eyes widened after that simple statement, a strange gleam emerging in their softness. If he didn't know better, he'd say she was about to cry.

 _A flash of... relief?_ he wondered, not being able to snatch his eyes away from hers, too enthralled by that beautiful gleam. Seconds passed, neither of them saying anything.

“Eren,” she finally spoke, looking down at the hot chocolate she had ordered. “Thank you," she whispered, lifting the drink to her lips and taking a sip, her eyes hidden between locks of raven hair.

“There’s nothing to thank me for.” He averted his gaze, secretly relieved for diffusing the situation. He didn't really understand why Mikasa seemed so happy, but seeing her like that felt... right. 

She huffed in response, but then her lips turned upwards into a smile. “Let’s just get on with what we came here to do.”

He was sure he had seen her smile before, probably, but no smile of hers had ever been as heartwarming as the one she was offering him now. So with a smile of his own he nodded, ready to get on with the work. 

 

—{x}—

 

The sky had slowly lost its brightness, until it was completely covered by a dark coat only pierced by soft rays of moonlight. It was probably around 8; the streets, restaurants and stores were brimming with people enjoying the night, the relief only granted by Fridays clear on their placid features.  

“It’s getting late, I should probably leave,” Mikasa stated, rolling up the sleeve of her coat and looking at her watch, “do you have classes tomorrow?”   

Eren sighed, lamenting that they couldn’t stay a little bit more time in the café. They had spent quite some time discussing the project, but after they got to a reasonable stage the conversation just shifted towards everything and anything their young minds could come up with that wasn’t related to the work due.

Mikasa was an interesting girl, but she was incredibly mysterious. She hadn’t told Eren any more details about her past (or asked him about his), but she still seemed to have easily opened up to him regarding her interests and day-to-day life. It felt so relaxing and natural talking to her, quite like talking to a sister, to someone you’ve known all your life. She wasn’t interested in trivial, stupid matters and was quite sassy, in her own quiet and composed way.

“Yeah,” he groaned, remembering that he had to wake up early tomorrow, “I’m taking German, what about you?”

“I don’t have classes, but I work at a bar on Saturdays,” she answered as Eren regarded her gathering up all her things, “actually, a coworker asked me to cover her late night shift today so that’s why I need to go.”

“Oh, I see. What a way to spend your Friday night,” he chuckled and swallowed a sip of his still half-full coffee, making a face of disgust. They had talked so much that he hadn’t been able to finish it, and now he couldn’t anymore because it went cold.

Nobody liked cold coffee.

“I know,” she sighed, resisting the urge to smile after taking in his grimace, “I’m glad we could meet up today. Maybe we could do it again,” she suggested.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” he smiled brightly at her, genuinely content with the turn of events. Now he could _finally_ say he had made a proper friend, and he was sure she felt the same way. “Well, you better go, don’t wanna be late, do you? I’ll just stay here a bit longer in the hopes of finishing this god-awful thing.”

“Good luck with that.” He saw her lips wobbling, and took it as a silent triumph. “See you on Tuesday, Eren.”

After saying goodbye and watching her leave, he tried to take another sip of the beverage-from-hell, to no avail. His mom had brought him up with principles, and throwing out food wasn’t on his list of goodie-goodies. 

He glanced through the window at the dark streets as he contemplated whether to give the cold coffee to a homeless person or to a stray cat, but gave up the thought as he knew it would probably be more of a burden than a gift. There were countless shadows moving around the streets, layers of people and their particular lives, obscured by a silent, all-knowing sky. Eren’s eyes widened slowly as he spotted a raven sight walking along the sidewalk, his ghostly frame enveloped by the faint lights of the lampposts bordering the streets, looking strangely alien as he floated around in the middle of so much warmth and bliss. He was gone in a flash of light, his trace forgotten and replaced by that of happy, carefree crowds.

Eren didn’t think twice and walked out of the café after gathering his things in a hurry, trying to spot the raven haired man once again amongst the crowd, but he was long gone. He groaned when he realised that he had left the coffee inside the café, but decided that leaving food just once wouldn’t matter.

Why had he run out like that? Now that he thought of it, didn't he have something important to do—

Fuck.  

Checking in his bag, he sighed in relief when he spotted the book he'd found the previous day, lying under some crumpled pieces of paper and food wrappers. He really needed to clean his bag.

He’d completely forgotten about the damn thing. He couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty, if he hadn’t remembered, the book would’ve stayed in his bag for months! He should’ve just left it where he found it, instead of almost accidentally ensuring that the man would never see it again. He definitely had to return it _now_ , he didn’t trust himself to remember tomorrow. But how would he find him? What if he’d gone home?

Maybe he could’ve gone to the park? He seemed to go there quite often...  but what if he never saw the man again? Shaking his head, he decided that the park was the most likely option and made his way around the crowds of people lingering on the streets, floating about without a care in the word. He halted at the entrance, surprised at the sheer amount of children, youths and adults inside. He’d never seen it so full before, especially since it was kinda late, though it did make sense—it was Friday.

He realised suddenly that he didn’t feel so jealous anymore of the gleeful faces of youth contorted in laughter, and instead, images of soft but serious black eyes and shoulder-length raven locks surfaced in his mind, making him smile.

He walked around for a while until he saw from a distance the bench where the man usually sat, but it was empty.

“Damn,” he muttered as he stopped in front of it, momentarily getting distracted by the little cracks on the stone.

_What now?_

The man had gone home, probably (it was quite late, after all)... which was probably for the better now that he thought of it. He hadn’t really given much thought to what he’d tell him once he saw him. Considering their previous interactions, he would probably murder him for ‘stealing’ his book, even if he had only taken it with the intention of returning it. 

His train of thought was soon cut short by a tap on his shoulder, making him turn around and stare into dark, stormy blue eyes. 

“What the fuck are you doing?"

Eren blinked slowly, staring at the short man in front of him. What a rude mouth _,_ he thought right after his brain registered the situation, the image of the angry Chihuahua surfacing in his mind (he had to suppress the urge to laugh at that.)

He would’ve felt happy for finding him, if he wasn’t so shocked. That was  _not_  the way he'd expected this to go. 

“Um, I’m just… standing here?” he replied without thinking, not really knowing what to say, and suddenly too distracted by the man’s ghostly skin. Was that level of paleness even possible? It was a bit sickening. 

The man raised an eyebrow and stared at him disbelievingly. “I can see that. Why don’t you put that brain of yours to use and sit down or move?” 

Eren’s brain didn’t really seem to be working. “Why?” he asked, brows furrowing.

"Really," the man grumbled, squinting his eyes, probably trying to figure out if Eren was really an idiot or if he was only acting like one. “You’re standing in the middle of the bench, if you hadn't noticed."  

“Oh!” Eren exclaimed, his brain finally waking up, giving a step to the side so the man could sit down. Said man then proceeded to take out a plain looking book—wow, _what a surprise_ , another one—and, without another word, crossed his legs and started reading, apparently not bothered by the fact that Eren was still standing awkwardly next to him.

Looking around to see if there were any empty benches, Eren frowned when he realised there were many, despite the amount of people hanging around. Why hadn’t he gone to any of those instead, knowing that Eren was occupying this one? Maybe—as petty as it sounded—the man really, _really_ liked this one bench.

Should he sit down too? Or would that be more awkward than to remain standing up? Maybe he could go sit at another bench—Why the fuck was he even asking himself all this? He only had to return the book and then leave!

"Uh, hey..." he mumbled as he looked in his backpack for the book. The man looked up at him with a mixture of irritation and curiosity, but in that instant he was sure he could see something akin to recognition or knowingness in them, too. Eren fleetingly wondered if the man remembered him as the boy who sat under the tree and who had laughed at him that first time, or if he was simply just another passing, faceless stranger to him.

“Kid, do you need something?”

 _Kid?_  The fuck?“Yes—I mean, no, not exactly. I just—” he paused, taking the book out and extending his arm to the man, whose eyes slightly widened upon seeing the book. “I found this here in this bench yesterday… I think it might be yours?”

Snatching the book away from Eren’s grip, the man shoved it into his briefcase before the boy could react. He then looked up at Eren for a second, eyes gleaming with something the boy couldn’t quite place. He'd say it was something like relief, but he couldn't be sure.

“...Thank you,” he finally said, almost reluctantly, nodding at him and then returning his attention to the book he’d been reading.

Eren took that as his cue to leave and turned around stiffly, a bit bothered by the man’s response. He’d somehow convinced himself that he was doing an altruistic, selfless action without expecting anything in return, but in truth he did want some sort of… of recognition? Of effect? The man’s  _thank you_ hadn’t been quite what he expected—he’d wanted to see his serious, stressed features light up if only for a second; he’d wanted to give the man a tiny, teeny reason to not hate his day.

Wow, how pretentious of him. He was acting as if he could have so much impact on a person, just by doing something so insignificant. Why the hell did he need his ego to be blown up so much anyway? Wasn’t it enough knowing that he had returned the book to its owner, period? His mother had always said he had some sort of hero-complex, but he hadn’t realised how right she was until now. 

Sighing, he decided it was already late enough and that he should go back to his dorm. When he passed by a group of young adults sitting on the grass, the smell of alcohol and cigarettes clouded his nostrils, making him cough all the way until he left the park.

He fleetingly wondered if he'd ever be one of those people, surrounded by friends making the most— _or the least?—_ out of youth. He sighed again, getting lost amongst the crowds of people enjoying the night, warmed by the lights of the streets casting the darkness away.

 

—{x}—

 

Eren spent the weekend lying on his bed, studying for a physiology test he had on Monday, every now and then getting distracted by random shit on his phone. Marco was also pretty busy studying for a test, while Jean was away visiting some friend of his. It was pretty uneventful, which was for the better since Eren was kind of tired.

On Tuesday, he went to the library with Mikasa after their biochemistry lecture to advance the project. It was about half past one in the afternoon, but the sky was as dark as a winter sky. There were many students sitting around, working and studying, taking refuge from the rain that hadn’t stopped falling since that morning.  

“Hey, Mikasa,” a monotonous-sounding voice called out from behind Eren, “did you finish the chem paper?”

Turning to the side towards the voice, Eren realised it was the intimidating blonde he’d seen sometimes around Mikasa.

“I’m almost done,” she replied. The girl nodded and walked off.

At Eren’s confused look, Mikasa explained, “that’s Annie. She’s in some of my classes, though I’m not sure what she’s majoring in.”

“Are you… friends?”

Mikasa looked as if she was considering it, brows slightly furrowed. “No, not really. We’re more like mutually benefitting acquaintances.”

“I… see,” he muttered and raised an eyebrow, thinking over the mechanics of such a relationship. “I’ve never had one of those.”

She hummed, turning over a page of her copybook and writing down the name of a metabolic precursor. “So, do you have many?”

“Many what?” Eren asked distractedly, typing the name of a molecule on his laptop.

“Friends,” she clarified, looking up at him.

He stopped in his tracks, locking eyes with Mikasa’s. Should he say the truth? Would that make him look like a pathetic, friendless loser? Well, Jean and Marco were his friends, right? "I do. Though I had more back home.”

Nodding, she lowered her gaze. “I... don’t,” she admitted. 

Head snapping up and eyes widening, he tried to interpret her words before saying anything too stupid. "Are you... joking?" he inquired with a nervous smile, "you've lived in this city all your life, right?" 

"Yes." She fixed him a look accompanied by a little scowl. "I am not joking. I've never had any."

"Never?" he asked weakly. Why would she be telling him this?

"Never."

Thinking it through, it all kinda did... make sense.

Why no one really noticed her, why she was always alone, why she seemed so humbly content when they talked to each other. It was all because she literally had  _no one else._ He knew she had no family, but  _this?_

He felt like an ungrateful, selfish asshole. He'd always thought that he was lonely and a loser because now he didn't have any proper friends, even though it'd always been so easy for him to get along with people. Back in his hometown, he had always been surrounded by family, by friends, by people who appreciated him. 

He couldn't imagine how lonely she must've felt all her life. No friends, no family, no parents, nowhere to belong.

_No home._

“But you actually do have one now, don’t you?” Eren pointed out, a smile stretching along his face. “I mean, _I_ am your friend.”

Mikasa slowly raised her eyes to meet his, suddenly looking strangely vulnerable, an expression that had Eren stunned in his seat. From the corner of her eyes, little droplets started falling down her cheeks, just like the frail, tiny raindrops sliding down the windows.

Eren gaped at her, not quite believing what he was seeing. 

“I’m sorry,” she quickly wiped the tears away with the sleeve of her shirt, composing herself. And so the illusion was broken, becoming just one more fleeting memory that would probably haunt Eren in his dreams. “Yes, you are,” she said, with a smile that was sure to cast the darkness of the day away should it ever be presented to the world.

It took him a few seconds to react, and even more seconds to pull his gaze away from hers and continue with the project.

They did manage to continue working a bit longer, until it was time for Eren to go to his 2 o’clock class. Mikasa had a free period so she decided to just stay in the library.

“Before I forget, maybe we should exchange numbers?” Eren suggested, closing his copybook and getting ready to leave.

“Good idea,” she said, handing him her phone a little bit too excitedly.

“Today was very productive,” he commented lazily, entering his number and handing the phone back to her, genuinely content with the turn of events. 

“It was,” she agreed as Eren grabbed his backpack from the chair and stood up. 

"Can I text you tonight? You know, to discuss the intro and all."

"Oh, yes, please," she nodded energically, "I mean, if you want to."

"Of course," he laughed at her enthusiasm, turning around, "well, then—"

"Eren, wait—before you go," Mikasa cut him off, making him turn his head back. "I wanted to thank you. For everything."

And there was it again, the warmth in his chest. "You don't have to," Eren reassured, eyes softening after seeing her honest and grateful expression. "It's what friends do, right?" 

"Yeah... you're right," she smiled, looking like a blissful child, and lifted her hand up to do a little wave. "See you on Thursday, Eren. Take care.”

"You too," he nodded at her and waved back, leaving the library with a smile brighter than a summer sun. 

 

At 6 o’clock, after 4 hours of sitting in uncomfortably un-ergonomic chairs, his classes were finally over. As he was walking down the hallway of the faculty building, he stopped in front of a window upon taking notice of the falling rain hitting the pavement.

 _Beautiful,_ he thought with a sigh.

He wasn’t busy today, so he could indulge himself in the pleasure of resting for a while in the park. It didn’t matter that it was rainy and cold, especially since he had an umbrella. He’d wondered before how the park would look like from under a rainy sky—now was his chance to find out.

Once he arrived, he noticed it was almost empty. Some people were taking refuge from the rain in roofed benches or under pergolas and gazebos. He made his way towards one of those refuges, sitting down as his eyes took in the sight of trees, flowers and people drowning in a sea of green. The usually lively park was covered in blankets of silence, framed by dim skies building up a scenery of tranquility and peace.

He closed his eyes, savouring the sound of the little rain droplets hitting the roof and sliding down along its surface, a lullaby that generously accompanied him until he fell into a light slumber. He was remotely aware of the ever-present sounds of nature enveloping him, soft _tap tap taps_  and _drip drip drip_ s echoing throughout the entirety of the park, pulling every creature in its presence into a tender reverie.

In the distance, he could see a blurry, ghostly form standing under the rain, drenched to the bone. It was a man, Eren realised dazedly in between layers of sleep, a pale man with raven locks of hair holding a closed green umbrella. 

He suddenly felt very, very cold. 

 

He didn’t know whether he was dreaming, or whether he would remember that ghostly, somber sight once he woke up hours later under the same rainy sky. However, he was sure that the feeling of insufferable sadness he’d felt in that particular instant would surface within him every time he laid eyes on the man, and that it would remain with him for as long as he lived.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yet again, it took me almost a month to update... sorry not sorry.
> 
> (Note: I've no clue how to write emotions lolmao I just tried to show Mikasa's relief and bliss upon meeting Eren and finding a home in him, just like in canon. It must've been really wonderful to find someone to love and who could love her back like family after losing hers. In this fic, that feeling is intensified since she has spent all her life alone, longing for someone who could accept and appreciate her. Ashjfssadfdhfsdg poor little thing.) 
> 
> Please tell me if you enjoyed this chapter, your lovely comments are always appreciated.


	4. Ghosts of sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When your heart is as feeble as snow (but not nearly as cold), anything can break you down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. Late update, I know, I'm so sorry. I had some major problems that sucked away all my motivation. Now they're over.
> 
> Phew... at least now the chapter's up!

"Hey," Eren was suddenly startled by a familiar voice next to him, breaking the silence of the empty study room. As it was so quiet, not having noticed the person coming in surprised him slightly. He had only just recently discovered the wonders of study rooms as a much peaceful alternative to the library, although he didn't use them much. He actually needed to go to the library later on the day to look for an anatomy book, but he was content hiding from the noises of loud, obnoxious students for the meantime until his next class rolled by. 

"Are you Eren?"

Looking up from the book he was currently buried into, he realised it was the blonde, intimidating girl he'd seen a few days before in the library. Did Mikasa speak to her about him? "Uh, yeah. You're Annie, right?"

The blonde hummed in affirmation and looked at him with curious indifference— _how_ she managed that look was beyond him—before pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down. "So, you've been hanging out with Mikasa."

It was a totally casual comment, but Eren knew something was off. She didn't seem like the type to start a trivial conversation with someone she didn't know, without having underlying motives, especially one about someone else. 

"I have," he stated vaguely, so that she'd have to elaborate. He wouldn't let this intimidating girl get the better of him.

Annie narrowed her eyes, evidently annoyed. "Why?"

"What do you mean _why_? Do I need a reason to hang out with someone?"

"No," she fixed him with a puzzled look, "but Mikasa isn't just someone."

Now it was Eren's turn to look confused. "What do you mean? Is she famous or something?" 

"You seriously don't know?"

"Wait, don't know what? What do you mea—"

"If you say  _what do you mean_ one more time I'm going to kick you off the chair."

Eren huffed defensively, a little bit affected by the girl's attitude. He didn't know why, but he was completely sure that she'd act up on her threat should he enrage her. "Alright, sheesh. I obviously don't know what you're talking about, care to explain without murdering me?"

Sighing, Annie slowly shook her head. "You should ask her directly."

"What, no—just _no_ , you can't go to someone and get them all interested only to end up dismissing them!"

"Calm down, dude. I didn't even  _come_ to you. You were just here, so I asked," she looked irritated, but managed to keep her usual uninterested gaze as she pulled a notebook out of her bag. 

He regarded her expectantly as she opened the notebook and started scribbling down words into neat lines. Some minutes passed by, Eren watching her incredulously, the sound of the pen against the pages becoming increasingly frustrating. 

What an asshole, was she really gonna ignore him now? And her explanation was bullshit, did she have to come _precisely_ to this study room, sit down in the only occupied table in the room, right across from him?

"Is this related to why everyone seems to ignore her?" he finally spoke, tired of waiting for her to miraculously stop being a jerk. 

The scribbling stopped, silence reigning over the empty room. Without looking up, Annie let a small smirk slip up into her face. "Well, at least you noticed that."

"Hold on, they're really ignoring her?" 

She looked at him derisively, her eyes glinting in amusement. "Yes, did you think they were acting or something?"

"No, of course not," he growled, a little embarrassed and upset about her mockery. "What's the big deal anyway?" 

"I told you before," Annie drawled out, getting up from the chair. "Ask _her_."

"Wait, where do you think you're going?" Eren eyed her suspiciously as she walked around the table.

"Someone isn't letting me concentrate," she stated, heading towards the door.

Gaping at her, Eren rose into his feet. "You were the one who decided to sit right across from me!" he shouted at her, before flinching at the sound of the door shutting close.

"Geez, what a fucking prick."

What the hell was that even about? No wonder Mikasa didn't consider her a friend, she was fucking weird. 

Alright, fuck. Now he was dying to know what the deal was with the raven-haired girl. Of course he'd already noticed how people averted their gazes whenever she came into sight or how they generally stayed out of her way, but he had never given it much importance. He'd thought that either they were really, _really_ scared of her—people were assholes, and he could somehow understand why they'd be scared of such a mysterious, intimidatingly beautiful girl—or they hated her for some reason beyond his knowledge.

He wasn't stupid enough to ask her directly, and didn't think it was a good idea to just ask someone randomly. 

Sitting back down, he decided he'd try his luck again the next time he saw the blonde—it was his only choice, besides from ignoring the whole deal altogether, but he knew he wouldn't be able to do that now that his curiosity had been picked ( _although it was likely that he would forget about it_ ). Annie would probably dismiss him again, but that didn't mean he wouldn't at least try. 

 

-[x]-

 

"Achoo!" Eren shouted, the gargled and high-pitched sneeze that had somehow come out of his mouth resounding throughout the library despite his efforts to muffle it with his arm. Some people looked at him weirdly—what, had they never heard a weird sneeze before? 

"Eren, is that you?" turning around, he was met with two amber eyes and a mop of crazy brown hair peeking out from behind a bookshelf. 

"Professor Zoe?" he dreadfully confirmed, giving a step back away from the crazy woman. He had participated in class and asked her questions only a few times, so why did she remember him? Though it kinda worried him more that she had recognised him from only a  _sneeze_. 

"Are you sick?" she asked, pulling her eyebrows together in concern, "do you need medicine? I can give you a miraculous homemade remedy for the cold I have in my office. It's way better than the stuff the nurse gives out!"

There was an urban legend going around, like the typical 7 high school mysteries his peers used to stress so much about: tales of traumatised students who had casually encountered her around campus and had been unjustly dragged away to 'help' her with dangerous and probably very illegal experiments, or who had been verbally attacked with never ending anecdotes and discoveries, too bizarre and grotesque to retell. He couldn't imagine what kinds of things she kept in her office, not to mention what effects her alleged remedy could have on a person. 

He wasn't planning on finding out.  

"Uh, no, thank you, I'm perfectly fine," he lied, rubbing the back of his neck. In truth, he had probably caught a cold two days before, when he fell asleep in the park while it rained. He had been so dizzy once he woke up that he couldn't understand why he'd thought it was a good idea to fall asleep in the middle of such a weather. On top of it, he'd had a very weird, unsettling dream, although he couldn't remember what it was about. He only knew it must not have been something very pleasant, judging by the feeling of melancholy that'd accompanied him through the rest of the day. 

"You sure? You sound like you have a stuffy nose," she pointed out, getting closer, "oh, I know, maybe it's an allergy?"

"Whoa!" he yelped, being pushed back against the shelf as she pulled his mouth open and peered into it. 

"Hmm, it looks alright to me," she muttered, moving his chin up to get a better look, "maybe it's a—"

"—I'm fine, professor! I swear," Eren interrupted before she could dissect him, pushing her away softly, "it must be the dust of all these old books." 

"Hmm, alright. But if you ever feel sick, feel free to come to me, okay? Oh, and don't forget, tomorrow's the deadline for the project!"

He was about to reply when he felt a familiar itch inside his nose. Nodding furiously at her, he stayed still with a smile plastered on his face until he was sure she'd walked off, only then letting free the incoming sneeze he'd tried so hard to swallow.

"I heard that!" professor Zoe shouted from across the library, followed by the  _'shhhs'_ of irritated students and then by her uproarious laughter.

"What a woman," he shuddered, wondering how her colleagues managed to put up with her weirdness every single day. 

As he went back to looking for the anatomy book, he felt his pocket buzz. Taking out his phone, he noticed it was a message from Mikasa. No one else texted him, so it wasn't much of a surprise. Not even Armin, because he hadn't bought a smartphone yet; he was content enough with the good old Nokia, or so he claimed. 

Mikasa (4:45): _  
__Are you still at uni?_

Unlocking the screen, he typed a quick reply.

Me (4:45):  
_Yeah, about to leave tho. why?_

Mikasa (4:46):  
_I forgot my notebook in the biochem classroom. the intro's in there. can you get it and give it to me tomorrow?_

Me (4:46): _  
Sure thing. its the red one right?_

Mikasa (4:47): _  
It's probably the only book in the room, eren. and yes it is_

Me (4:48):  
_Alrighty miss smarty pants, i was just asking. but worry not bc eren is coming to the rescue_

Mikasa (4:48):  
_What am i to do with you, honestly_

Mikasa (4:49):  
_Thank you, by the way._

Smiling at the screen, he put the phone back in his pocket. After a few more minutes he finally managed to find the anatomy book and went on to register it. He knew he would probably never finish it, which wasn't all that bad since he didn't think they'd need all of it anyway. At least he didn't have to buy it, that would've been a huge waste, especially since he'd never touch it again after passing the class. 

After leaving the library he made his way through the corridors towards the the biochemistry lecture room. Effectively, the guilty red notebook was shamelessly lying under the desk where Mikasa usually sat. He'd always thought it was quite nice, especially now that he could take a better look. Even though it was very simplistic, it had an elegant and humble feel to it—just like its owner. Opening it on the first page, he was amused to see that Mikasa had written general contact info, like the sort teachers made you write in all your copybooks back in high school. 

"Ackerman, huh? That's a cool surname," he commented aloud, reading over the info. They had never gotten down to exchanging surnames, but he supposed they would have eventually, if not for this project. Hers sounded German-ish, which was kinda weird, since she was of asian decent. Welp, his was German too and he was pretty sure his father's family had nothing to do with the country.

Looking at the time on his phone, he decided it was still too early to go back to his dorm. Recently he'd made a habit of going out after uni at least one or two days every week. Walking regularly and spending time outdoors, resting his body from hours and hours of sitting through lectures, easing the stress of his mind by being close to nature... those were things that would hopefully add happiness and some extra years to his lifespan. Or at least he liked to tell himself so, because, what harm could it do? Besides, he wasn't feeling particularly lazy that day and had already finished almost the entirety of his assignments, so wasting some time outside couldn't hurt. 

Eren put the notebook in his bag and walked out of the building, feeling a bit light-minded. The sky was dark and cloudy that evening, with no sun to be seen and a frail coat of water lingering in the air. Eren kept on walking through the almost empty streets, when he suddenly felt something wet landing on his cheek.

"Fuck." 

Why on earth was the only day he didn't watch the weather forecast precisely the day it had to rain? 

Because he was fucking stupid, that's why.

Soon what started as merely small and scattered raindrops became a heavy curtain of painful, watery needles being poured down furiously over him. 

Now he would definitely catch a cold, if he hadn't before.

In the distance, he could see the hazy, blurry lights of a store cutting through the mist and darkness. A refuge from the rain, he thought in relief, noticing as he came closer that it was the same cozy café he always passed by when going to the park.

Once by the door and on safe grounds from the rain, he shook himself in the hopes of getting dry enough to not leave a trail of water as he walked in. Luckily he was wearing a somewhat long impermeable jacket, so his shirt and jeans didn’t get as soaked as they could have— though his hair and shoes did, but whatever.

Once inside and through the windows, he noticed how hard the rain was falling. He guessed he could just stand there and wait for it to stop, but the cozy atmosphere and the sweet smell of baked, warm goods made him reconsider his plan. He was trapped in there anyway, what harm could buying something to eat do?

After taking the jacket off and hanging it on a perch near the entrance, he made his way to the counter and waited behind one other person.

The cashier, a brunette with a ponytail, soon called out to him.

“How much is a slice of strawberry cheesecake?” Eren asked, looking at the sample behind the glass with mild hunger. Cold and rainy evenings somehow made you crave hot and sweet things… it was one of those unexplainable truths of life.

“That’d be a dollar fifty—yo, I know you!” the cashier exclaimed, looking Eren up and down. Now that he looked at her more attentively, she did seem kinda familiar… “I’m Sasha. You’re in my physiology class, aren’t you?”

Oh, bingo. Wasn’t she that troublemaking girl who sat with the buzzcut-haired boy and interrupted the lecture with inappropriate jokes? At first they had seemed very annoying to him, but he had to admit that through the days he had come to enjoy their light comments.

“Yeah.. I’m Eren,” he smiled awkwardly, “I remember you and your… jokes.”

She laughed, a proud look on her face. “Well, they’re an integral part of me. So what are you having?”

“The cheesecake slice… oh, and a hot chocolate.”

“Sure thing. That’ll be three dollars fifty.”

He handed her the money and waited as she prepared the order, handing it over once it was ready.

“Woah, this smells good.”

“I know, right? I’m always tempted to take a bite!”

He huffed, amused, remembering she always had bags of food with her during lessons. “Props for resisting. Wouldn’t want to get fired, would you?”

“Nah, I’m immune to food by now. Well, enjoy! See you in class, Eren.”

He thanked her and left the counter, feeling quite glad. Now he had one more acquaintance from the university. And she was nice and friendly, not at all what he would've imagined her to be.

Looking over for a place to sit, he realised all the tables were full. The place was packed, more than usual, probably because of the weather.

He supposed he could ask Sasha for an umbrella and go back home... Nope, they barely knew each other, and now that there were no more customers in line she had retreated to the kitchen.  Besides, it would suck having to go back to his dorm and risk getting the food— _and himself—_ all soaked up again. 

Welp, it seemed like he was stuck waiting there until the rain stopped. He'd have to lean against a wall and eat standing up or something, even if that was kinda pathetic. Sure, there were other youths standing up, but they weren't alone unlike him. 

When walking towards one of the walls in the back, from the corner of his eyes he noticed a very tall, ash-blond man standing up from a table of two in a corner, a table that was somewhat hidden from the rest of the café. There was one other person sitting down, a dark haired man, but Eren could only see the back of his body. He watched with hopeful eyes as the blond man said goodbye to his companion and walked over to the entrance before taking out his umbrella and leaving the place. 

Would the dark haired man leave too? Eren watched as he picked up his cup and took a slow sip, before placing the cup back down, not moving an inch. He didn't seem to have any intention of leaving anytime soon.

_Damn._

Okay, but an empty seat was an empty seat. Maybe if he asked nicely enough he would let him share the table?

Yeah, people did that in real life, right?

"Um, excuse me?" Eren asked after walking over to the table, stopping a few steps behind the man.

The latter didn't move or respond, leaving Eren to stand there like a fool.

"Uhh..." he trailed off, his mouth quirking down in confusion. Hadn't he heard him? Or maybe he was... ignoring him? If that were the case, he'd be a total asshole. "Sir...?" he tried again, "would you mind if I shared the table with you?"

At last, the man finally seemed to acknowledge Eren, looking over his shoulder at him with an uninterested and tired expression.

Eren's eyes slowly widened in recognition.  _Holy shit._  

No wonder he'd thought the man had to be a little bit of a jerk, it was because he was the little angry man from the park!

The man squinted his eyes at him, although Eren wasn't sure if it was because he recognised him too or because he was simply annoyed.

"I mean, there are no more... seats..." he elaborated, feeling slightly nervous under the man's gaze. The raven was regarding him with nothing more than indifference, and yet Eren couldn't help feeling judged and scrutinised by him. "Though it's alright if you don't want to share... I mean, I can wait until you're done, I have no right to come to you and—"

"Stop it," the man said, "I don't mind it. Just shut up."

Eren's mouth closed with a click as he sat down clumsily, muttering a weak _thank you_ before placing his food on the table. The man was as rude as he remembered... but at least he had let him sit with him.

Anyhow, the most important thing was that he would finally be able to enjoy his sweet, delicious cheesecake and hot chocolate comfortably, without having to stand up and risk getting the thing all over himself... or without looking like a loser. 

Taking a spoonful of the cheesecake into his mouth, his eyes widened in amazement at how tasty and soft it was. No wonder why there were always so many people in the cafe, the food was freaking delicious. As he continued eating, albeit slowly (he would enjoy the cake as much as he could), he let his gaze lazily wander around the café and fall on a group of youths chatting loudly, laughing at each other as they shared what he could only imagine as funny, intriguing anecdotes.

Or maybe stupid, inappropriate jokes. Who knows. 

Warmth and bliss spread over the place, the bright lights of the coloured lamps hanging from the ceiling pouring out through the foggy windows like a stream of clarity, breaking down the darkness of the cold, empty exterior. The intoxicating smell of baked goods lingered in the air, and so did the echoes of reverberating, hearty laughter. There were friends, coworkers, families and couples, all of them alike, savouring the warmth and tenderness of each other.

He really enjoyed the friendly and loving atmosphere that cozy, small places could bring forth. Back in his hometown, that was the default ambiance floating around the streets, filling every house. He almost didn't want to look away, because that would mean snapping back into reality.

After drinking in all of those sights and not finding anything else to stare at, he let his eyes slowly wander back towards his front and land on the little angry man, who was calmly reading a book. He held said book in place with one hand, while the other rested on top of a cup of coffee, an expression of concentration lighting his features. Once again, despite the clear indifference he showed, Eren could still pick up traces of irritation and dissatisfaction in the slight crease between his brows and the subtle downward curve of his lips. 

Placing the fork down, Eren rested his head against his palm and set his elbow down on the table, letting his gaze roam about the man's features. He had quite the long eyelashes for being a man, and sported a perfect shave. It must suck having to shave every morning for work, he thought fleetingly, wondering if he'd ever have to do it too. There were traces of bags under his eyes, probably due to overwork and the lack of sleep. A few wrinkles, the only touch of age on his pale skin, bordered his eyes and certain parts of his forehead, partly contributing to his serious look. His lips were chapped and thin, most likely due to the cold, and almost as pale as his skin. Eren could even see the small, delicate blue veins peeking through his translucent skin, like a web of gleaming threads spreading through his body, enveloping him in a sickly, glowing fabric of flesh. He wasn't what you'd normally call handsome (especially because of the expression he always wore, like a second skin), but still, Eren thought there was something quite pleasant about his features. 

The man suddenly parted his lips, mumbling something intelligible. He looked so immersed in his book in that moment, so overly consumed by the force and effect of the narrative, that Eren couldn't bring himself to look away. 

And yet, despite being so enthralled by what he was reading, the man's features were still contorted in bitterness and fatigue. 

 _Such a pity_ , Eren mused, as he felt himself growing cold. 

And it was right there, just below the dim, blurry lights of the lamps hanging over their heads, against the backdrop of warmth and bliss reflected on the clientele's visages, that the raven stood frozen in time, like a slowly fading fire. 

Eren distantly recalled images from a time he had no conscious memory of, a time of heavy rain and silence. In between faint, dreamlike delusions, an eerie, bleak sight emerged, a sight as frail as paper and drowning in sorrow. A pang of grief assaulted him like a bolt of lightning, as the tangible, vivid memory of resignation and misery on pale, ghostly features filled him up. 

It was, somehow, sickeningly captivating. Like savouring the sight of leaves being shed off by the trees every autumn, taking pleasure in watching them slowly shrivel up and fall.

And at the same time it was insufferably painful, knowing they were falling off to die. 

"Kid, are you alright?"

Eren was suddenly pulled out of his reverie by the man's voice, distinct and loud against his hazy thoughts. 

"W-what?" he asked, snapping his head up and being met with the man's sharp gaze.

Eren didn't know whether to be taken aback by the question (although the man's tone had been more derisive than concerned, so it wasn't that strange anyway), or by the fact that he had voluntarily talked to him. 

"You're crying," the raven stated simply, regarding him weirdly. 

"I am?" the brunet couldn't help the surprise from permeating into his voice. Why would he be crying?

The boy hesitantly raised a hand to his cheek and was shocked to be met with wetness. Looking down momentarily, he noticed a big water stain on the tablecloth. Just how long had he been crying? He'd spaced out pretty bad, to the point of not remembering when he'd finished eating the cheesecake! He only remembered getting lost in thought as he stared off at the man's bitter features, before feeling a stab of foreign sorrow assaulting him. 

Oh.

_It hadn't been a dream._

"I'm sorry."

The man looked at him as if he were delusional. "What the hell are you apologising for?" 

"Nothing," Eren said, lowering his gaze and wiping away the tears. He couldn't just tell the man it was because he'd been saddened out by how miserable and gloomy he looked. He'd most likely get punched. 

The raven raised a thin eyebrow, muttering something about emotional teenagers before returning his attention to his book. Outside, the sound of the rain hitting the pavement and the roofs of buildings could still be heard, albeit not as distinctively as the chit chatter of the people inside the café. 

Eren kept on discreetly regarding the man for a few minutes, wondering why he acted so peculiarly. He observed him from the corner of his eyes, contemplating his behaviour, from the way he raised a hand to his lips and slightly widened his eyes every now and then (probably whenever something interesting came up in the book), to the way the wrinkles around his eyes became more prominent when he concentrated a little too much, to the way his raven locks faintly fluttered when he shook his head ever so slightly. 

It occurred to him that so far, all he'd seen the man do was read books and occasionally write stuff down. He could do all that stuff if he just stayed home, couldn't he? If he was so rude and constantly irritated, why didn't he steer clear of public places?

He had never in his eighteen years of life met someone as rude and bitter as him. Not even Jean, who was probably the king of assholes, seemed as miserably pathetic and crude as this man. Even if he knew nothing about him, for some reason he couldn't help being moved by his obvious unhappiness and sorrow. Maybe it was because he found him so utterly different from anything he'd ever seen before. The more he looked at him, the more he interacted with him, the less sense he made.

It was so weird. At first sight, he seemed like someone totally ordinary. Like the sort of person you wouldn't look at twice if you didn't have to. A grey, monotonous silhouette, a mere shadow perfectly blending in with the colourless, dullness of everyday life. One more plain, boring person with plain, boring clothes amongst the endless stream of plain, boring people. 

But the vision Eren had of him now was different, maybe even worse, after having remembered the sad sight of him willingly getting drenched by the rain, letting himself be consumed by the cold, as if giving himself over to grief. Even remembering it briefly made his chest hurt. It would've made much more sense if it had just been a simple dream. Now he couldn't shake the memory away, especially not  _now_ that the man was sitting right in front of him, in all his saddened, miserable glory. 

Looking away from the man after a while, his eyes landed on the foggy, shiny windows. Through them, he could see the mass of heavy rain falling hard and loud on the streets, now undistinguishable from the dull, constant, never-ending grey of the sky wrapping itself around the earth. Today was one of those sad, somber evenings that made you want to wrap yourself up in blankets and never leave the comfort of your house ever again.  

Looking back to his front, he was startled when his eyes stumbled upon a glare of ice.

"So you finally got tired of staring. Did you find something more interesting to do?" 

"What?" he said, wide eyed, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. 

Oops. And he really did think he was being discreet, especially since the man had only noticed him staring now. (Well, that was probably because the first time he'd ended up crying...)

Eren always got so lost in thought when people-watching that he could end up staring at something or someone for minutes without noticing it. It was probably very rude, he knew, but he'd never had problems before. How could he explain to the man that he just spaced out, and his gaze just happened to rest on him while he was out in the clouds? Well, he did kinda purposefully keep his gaze on him, but not because he was making fun of him or anything; he just found him interesting. He couldn't say that either, though. It would probably sound creepy as fuck.

"No, no—I just got lost in thought, I didn't mean to offend you," he explained, hoping that the man would understand. "It often happens to me. You might see me staring at a pole for a solid 10 minutes, just because I tend to space out a lot."  

The man sent him what he could only interpret as a  _'why the fuck are you telling me this'_ look. "Right," he stated, unconvinced and certainly uncaring, "whatever you say."

"I'm serious, I wasn't making fun of you or anything." Honestly, he didn't know why he even bothered trying to explain, knowing that the man would probably tell him to stop pestering him, in the most impolite of ways. Eren just didn't want him to get angry or to feel offended—although he didn't look like the type who cared about what others thought of him. 

Said man regarded him impassively, as he placed his book down on the table. "Are you implying there is something to be made fun of?" 

_Crap._

Great,he fucked up big time. Like always. 

"No, no!" Eren exclaimed, fervently shaking his head, "I just thought that—"

"Calm down," the man interrupted him, letting a sigh past his lips as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I was only kidding." 

"Oh, _oh_ ," Eren mouthed, relaxing visibly. "Sorry, haha..." he let out an awkward, nervous laugh, as he felt his shoulders dropping. What the fuck, though? How could he pretend to be funny with such an intimidating, serious attitude? So as an afterthought, he added, "that wasn't very funny." 

Well, it actually was quite funny if you thought about it, but the man didn't need to know tha— _wait a fucking moment_.

Was the raven... actually going on with the conversation... instead of ignoring him or telling him to fuck off?! What was this? Was he dreaming, or had he spaced out again? Could it be that he was actually a decent, fulfilled, happy human being, and Eren had misjudged him entirely? He wasn't exactly the best judge of character out there but... No, no way! Then how would you explain his rude, bitter attitude and the cold, miserable atmosphere surrounding him?

After thinking about it for a second, Eren reached the conclusion that maybe he really had a shitty life—and was abnormally pessimistic and rude—but still managed to be quite funny in his own sarcastic, weird way. It didn't seem impossible, especially since he could kinda see how that type of humour would be a consequence of his bitter, angry demeanour. 

"Says you, the expert," he registered the man say before he looked down at his book, probably meaning for the conversation to end.

Eren felt a sudden sense of urgency to keep the conversation going, and without really meaning to, said, "It's not my fault you've got a fucked up sense of humour."

That thankfully came out in a light, joking tone, although he honestly didn't know why he'd felt the need to say it, since the man obviously didn't want to keep on talking to him. So for a moment there, when the man, instead of opening his book (like he was going to do before Eren spoke) stopped in his tracks and lifted his gaze up, Eren feared that he would get angry at him. 

Instead, he just raised a questioning eyebrow. Eren felt his shoulders dropping in relief.

"I don't. You're just a fucking weird kid," the raven objected, and even though his features were neutral, Eren could pick up a tinge of amusement in his voice. 

"Eren," he blurted out suddenly, without thinking. 

"What?"

"Eren Jaeger. That's my name, not kid, so stop calling me that." He wasn't entirely sure why he'd said that (fuck, he wasn't sure of _anything_  anymore, by this point), but at least now the man would probably stop calling him something he obviously wasn't anymore.  _Probably._  

Welp, he didn't even have any reason to keep on talking to him, but it was proving to be strangely amusing. It'd been totally different and at the same time exactly what he'd expected. And he really just couldn't stop himself from saying random shit (it was a fact he wasn't the best at thinking things through before saying them), even if each time he got more confused by the whole conversation. 

The man blinked at him, the scowl slowly slipping away from his features. "That's exactly what a kid would say." 

Eren didn't have time to register how relaxed and weirdly normal the man looked without a scowl, because he was too busy feeling incensed about the man's comment. "What? How can you even argue that?" 

"I rest my case," he said, raising the almost finished cup of coffee to his lips for the first time since Eren had sat down. The boy followed the movement with his eyes, momentarily rendered speechless by the strange way he held the cup—how he kept it from falling or spilling over was a mystery, much like the man himself. "Besides, you should know better than to be a pain in the ass for your elders." 

"Yeah, because you're such a grandpa," Eren rolled his eyes, pointing at the man's cup a second later, "with very weird habits."  

Raising both eyebrows now, the man slowly placed the cup back down with a _clack_. "I'm not the one who talks to random ass people and cries out of fucking nowhere," he countered.

Well, he was right.

"It's not _that_ weird. The way you drink, though—" 

The man clicked his tongue, and this time Eren felt like he might have really struck a nerve. "At least I drink the shit I buy, instead of letting it spoil," he grumbled, staring pointedly at something on Eren's left.  

The boy was confused at first, until he followed the man's gaze. 

"Fuck," he groaned, mentally slapping himself. He'd completely forgotten about the hot chocolate he'd bought earlier! That was two dollars down the drain...

"Now shut up and let me fucking read, will you?" the raven muttered, sending him one last sharp glance before finally returning his attention to his book.

Eren mumbled a weak _sorry_ as he snatched his eyes away from him.And with that the pleasant instant they'd shared passed away, as if it had never existed, becoming yet another memory that would probably haunt him till the end of his days. He felt as if something had died when he saw all traces of ease and amusement gone from the man's features. 

And just like that, Eren went back to being just a stranger.

Not really knowing what to make of their conversation, he decided to just ignore the whole thing altogether until his mind cleared up a bit. He would feel better that way, probably. He was a sweep-under-the-rug type of person. He'd deal with it later. 

Sighing, he set his gaze on the cup of chocolate and considered it for a few seconds, before deciding to take a sip. He grimaced immediately; it had gone cold and lumpy. 

Nobody liked cold things. 

Just how much time had it been since he'd bought it? Looking at his cellphone, he was surprised to see he'd been in the café for about an hour. Time literally had flown. 

He couldn't throw the chocolate away now, could he? That'd be such a waste. If only he could re-heat it... Oh, that's it! He could ask Sasha to heat it up in a microwave or something, she'd surely understand!

He stood up without a second thought, making his way towards the front of the café. Sasha was behind the counter, lazily flipping through a magazine. 

"Hey, Sasha," he called out to her and leaned against the counter, "can you heat this up for me?" 

"Sure thing! That'll be 25 cents." 

"What?" Eren's face went from thankfulness to disbelief in less than two seconds. 

"It's a new policy, you know?"

"That's ridiculous."

"Hey, I'm not the one who writes up that stuff."

"Alright, alright," he muttered, reluctantly searching in his pockets for change. It wasn't much, anyway. Meanwhile, she picked up the cup and went into the kitchen.

When she came back, cup in hand, she looked strangely serious. She was pressing her lips into a thin line, as if trying to keep them from wobbling.

"Here," he extended his hand with the change, but she stayed still. "Is everything okay?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

She suddenly cracked up in laughter, as Eren stood there, slightly confused.

"Haha! Duuude," she mumbled between laughs, "can't believe you actually believed that." 

"What?" Oh, so it was a joke. A very bad one, that is. They barely knew each other, and she'd already made him a target for her jokes. Fantastic. "You can't expect me to laugh at that."

"I kinda hoped you would," she grinned to herself, handing him the cup. "Either way, enjoy the drink and see you in class!"

"Ha... thanks," he smiled awkwardly, "and yeah, see you around." 

He walked away towards the back of the café, enjoying the warmth of the cup against his palms. As he got closer to his table, he noticed it was empty.

Oh. So the man had left. 

Eren didn't know why, but after sitting down at the now empty table, he felt slightly disappointed. 

He stared through the windows at the ocher hues of the darkening sky. The clouds were already long gone, migrating to some other barren, solitary lands in need. It was only then that he realised it had stopped raining. 

He couldn't hide his surprise. It had happened so suddenly, so quietly, like a drop of water silently sliding down into the depths of the earth.

And so the rain had left, just like the dim, somber silhouette of the man, slipping away. 

It suddenly occurred to him that he didn't even know his name. 

Well, it wasn't that important. 

His name might as well have been rain. Both of them were guilty of leaving the scent of melancholy wherever they went, after all. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please I beg you, leave kudos or comments if you enjoyed this chapter. I certainly hope you did. 
> 
> Either way, I'm really excited about continuing this fic now that season 2 is finally out! akjnfkjbngjkbgjhbgjhbjghbj I'm so happy, we waited like 4 years, guys. (And for those of you who've read the manga, well, you're so lucky ; _ ; )
> 
> Uh... and I really hope I'll have another chapter up at least in a month's time. I'll do my best.


	5. Dark evenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you underestimate the world (and yourself), anything can frighten you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I NEED TO BE STUDYING SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE THE KEYBOARD AWAAAYYY
> 
> Honestly, I've been working on this chapter for like 4 months. I just had a massive writer's block and every time I had a little speck of inspiration I only managed to write about four lines before I hit the wall again. That's why it's so short and probably uninteresting. Next chapter will be a bit cooler, I promise. 
> 
> (Trigger warning for syringes (and mentions of murder), I guess? Is that a thing? Well, just to be sure, I'm putting it here.)

Around seven in the evening, just after finishing his drink, Eren came back to his dorm room to find Jean and Marco sound asleep (he didn't really stop to question why) and stayed up late working on his part of the project, which, despite being pretty much done, still needed some fixes here and there. Mikasa told him she was done about an hour later, since, unlike him, she had gone straight home to work on it after her classes were over. 

He felt tired and a bit low on energy, for some reason, but still managed to devote his full attention to the project. He had so many things running around in his mind that he really wanted to think about, but he couldn't. He didn't want to disappoint Mikasa or make her stay up waiting for him to finish (she'd insisted on checking it when he was done), especially since he kinda did waste a few hours in the café when he should've been working on the project. 

Thankfully, he managed to stay focused enough to be done not much later, around half past nine.

He stretched out his limbs over his head and yawned, already feeling the effects of sleep numbing out his body. Swiping his phone on, he sent a text to Mikasa. 

Me (21:37):  
_Alright, I think I'm done._

The response came almost immediately. 

Mikasa (21:37):  
_Send it to me._

Me (21:39):  
[File sent]  
_Wait, who's gonna print it?_

Mikasa (21:40) _  
Don't worry about it. I'll do it tomorrow._

Me (21:41) _  
Oh... alright. Thanks!_

Mikasa (21:43) _ _  
_ No problem. Are you going to sleep now?_

He thought it over for a few seconds, deciding that he was tired enough. He supposed that if he really needed to he could stay up working on some other assignments, but those could wait for tomorrow.

"Eren?" He heard a drowsy voice whisper, and turned his head towards a very tired-looking Jean squinting up at him from the darkness of his bed. "Please turn off the lights, will you?"

He felt a bit surprised by how nicely—for Jean, at least—he'd said it. It must've been the effects of sleep. "Ah, yes, sorry. In a sec. I was going to bed just now anyway."

"M'kay. Goodn'ght," he said, words slurred, and turned away towards the wall. Eren blinked at him, amused by his unusual attitude, only now wondering what could've possibly made the two of them tired enough to go to bed at such an early hour. 

Turning back to his phone, he sent Mikasa a reply.

Me (21:48):  
_Yeah. I'm pretty tired. My roommates are already asleep too so i better go either way_

Mikasa (21:49): _ _  
_ Be careful not to wake them up. I'll go to sleep now, too. _ _Goodnight, Eren._

He felt it was a little cute how Mikasa often told him to be careful and mindful of his roommates, although more than being concerned about her fellow human being's sleep routines, it was probably because she didn't want him to get in trouble with them.

Me (21:49): _  
Night. sleep well!_  :)

After putting his things away and readying himself for sleep in the most silent way possible, he lay in bed and closed his eyes. Despite being tired and eager to fall asleep, he couldn't help himself from tossing and turning every few minutes, trying to find a comfortable position each time a ghost itch or slight discomfort arose, and trying to ignore all the thoughts that were bustling around in his head. He could count on one hand the times he'd had difficulty falling asleep, so he briefly panicked at the thought of not getting any sleep that night.

Willing himself to just stay still and keep his mind blank until he found a comfortable enough position, he somehow found himself eventually—probably around midnight? He couldn't be sure—drifting off to sleep. 

The next day, he was woken up by his alarm clock at 9:30.

He felt like shit.

He was tired despite having slept more than he had in days (9+ hours was a fucking lot for a college student,  _thank you very much_ ), had a sore throat, and could already feel the incoming presence of a headache. Maybe he  _really_  was sick. 

He went about his day normally, albeit tiredly, glad it was finally Friday. That evening he was planning to have a long, well-deserved nap. 

When he got to his biochemistry classroom, Mikasa was already there. He greeted her as usual and sat down, taking out of his backpack her red notebook before handing it over. 

"Thank you," she said, placing it in front of her. He turned away momentarily to take his stuff out too, however, when he turned to look at her again and saw her smiling to herself, the memory of the conversation he had with Annie the previous day resurfaced into his mind.  

How could he have forgotten about it? Was he really that forgetful? 

After a while of silence, Mikasa sent him a concerned look. "Are you all right, Eren? You suddenly look pale." 

Blinking, he let a fake smile slip up into his face to reassure the girl. "Uh, yeah. I just didn't sleep very well." There was some truth in that anyway, since he did indeed wake up feeling tired. But he couldn't tell her about the other reason.

"Did you have a nightmare?" she further asked, leaning slightly forward. He contemplated about telling her that he probably had a cold, but decided against it since she would likely force him to go to the nurse or something. 

"No, I guess there was just a lot on my mind. But i'm alright, really. How about you? Did you sleep well?"

That made her lean away, traces of ease once again reflected on her features. "Yes. I always do. Part of it is going to sleep early." 

Right then, professor Zoe walked in, as excited and disturbing as ever. The class went on smoothly for the next two hours, although he had a hard time concentrating because of how tired he felt. Next to him, Mikasa diligently took notes on her little red notebook, never loosing sight of the teacher. 

"Well then kiddos, that's it for today," the woman finally said at the end of the lecture, and a collective sigh was heard through the room. It really was a major killer to have such a heavy class that late on a Friday. "Don't forget to leave the paper on my desk when you leave, alright? Have a good weekend, and try not to get too drunk!" 

"Oh God," Eren shook his head, cringing a little bit on the inside. 

Mikasa made a sound suspiciously similar to a laugh, as she gathered her things and put them into her bag. Her eyes were fixed to the various students walking up to the front, surrounding the teacher's desk as they handed in the paper.

"She's just so... weird," Eren voiced, wondering what the fuck was wrong with their teacher. 

"I like her," the raven-haired girl said, shrugging her shoulders.

Such a positive, straight-forward comment coming from her surprised Eren, although it did fit her bold yet calm personality. A second later, she slipped her bag over her shoulder and stood up, before offering the paper to Eren, "I need to do some errands, can you hand it in?" 

"Sure thing," he replied, realising she probably had no time to wait for the crowd surrounding Zoe to disperse. He briefly remembered her saying she had a meeting with her bank agent or something like that. "Well, take care, Mikasa. See you on Tuesday." 

"You too." She waved at him with a little smile on her face, before walking away. 

He stayed in place for a while, struggling to put his copybook into his bag. For some reason, it was just not fitting in. Frustrated, Eren decided to just take everything out and then place it back in, a bit more orderly this time. When he managed to make it all fit in, he sighed in relief. As he looked around, he noticed that everyone had already left the class.

Walking over to the front, he cleared his throat to get Zoe's attention before extending his hand. "Here, professor." 

"Oh, thank you Eren," she grabbed it and looked over it for a second, before placing it on the neat stack of papers next to her. He was about to say goodbye and leave when she said, "hm, so you're partners with Mikasa?"

"Uh, yeah?" he replied, not really sure why she was asking that. 

The woman made a contemplative noise, as something strange flashed across her eyes. "Interesting." 

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" Eren wondered aloud, sounding angrier than he intended. Why did she know Mikasa by name? Did everybody in the damn university know what was up except for him?

"You don't know? Oh, right, you're not from here," Zoe commented, although the last part sounded more like she was talking to herself. Holy fuck, how did she know he wasn't from Rose?!

Placing her palms on the desk and leaning slightly forward, she said with a toothy grin, "I bet you're just _dying_ to know why." 

"Uh..." Eren trailed off, debating whether he should run the fuck out of the classroom or stay to see what she had to say about the whole Mikasa deal. Even though he was kinda spooked, he supposed it was more likely for Zoe to tell him than Annie or Mikasa herself. She had no reason to not tell him, after all. "I am, actually. Perhaps you could tell me why? I don't know who else to ask." 

"Oh, of course!" she smiled at him, as she finished arranging her equipment. Eren felt relief and triumph start to bubble up inside of him, until she opened her mouth to speak again. "But only if you do me a little  _favour_ , that is." 

 _Shit_.

Why the hell did she emphasise the word like that? Just what kind of favour did she want? Was she talking about  _that_ —

"Oh, don't make that face, you dirty boy!" She wheezed, pulling him out of his thoughts with her cackling laughter. "Don't worry, I'm talking about an experiment. Why don't you accompany me to my office so I can give you the details?" 

He should have run when had the chance! Oh lord, he was going to be devoured by this crazy woman! Those stories he'd heard before, even if they seemed exaggerated, now he was sure they were all true!

"No, I mean, I—I just, I don't—"

"Oh, so you don't want to know after all?" she interrupted him, her face suddenly right in front of him, her unblinking eyes boring into his very soul. He could feel the sweat running down his neck, and in that moment he realised he really didn't have much of a choice. 

"I—I do," he almost squeaked, trying to lean away from her without looking disrespectful.

"Great! Then follow me!" 

Releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding, he followed her out of the classroom and through the hallways until they reached the door of a science lab. Once in, Eren had to suck in a breath again at the sight of the many suspicious-looking body parts casually placed in liquid-filled jars around the room. 

"Alright, here we are. So what I want you to do is very simple. I need you to give me a sample of your semen—"

"What?!" Eren almost screamed, his face immediately turning red. He fucking knew it would be something totally inappropriate like _that._ "No,  _no way_ —"

The woman immediately burst out in laughter, the uproarious, loud sound startling Eren even more. "I'm joking, Eren," she assured, trying to muffle her laughter. "I only want a sample of your blood." 

" _Oh_ ," he breathed out, immensely relieved, his shoulders dropping. For a moment there, he  _completely_ believed she really wanted it. And even now, he was sure that had she really needed it, she would've asked for it. He'd been getting red flags from her ever since she started talking to him. He wouldn't be surprised if she got some of her more... dubious samples from other students, too. 

"I actually do need a semen sample, but I doubt you fit the right conditions for what I need, since you're not sexually active..." she went on with a thoughtful expression, and he almost choked on his saliva. What the actual fuck! Why did she even say that?

Did he look like a virgin, or did she know that he'd never gotten laid...? _How_?!

"Anyway. You don't have tattoos, low pressure, and aren't pregnant, right?"

It took Eren a second to realise that she meant that last thing as a joke. Composing himself, he answered hoarsely, "no, none of those things." 

"Perfect!"

"Uh, professor Zoe, why do you even need my blood? Don't you have other samples?"

"I do, but those are for institutional uses only. Isn't that unfair, Eren? They didn't authorise my experiment so I couldn't get the supplies I needed..." she almost wailed, lifting a hand up to her forehead dramatically. "But you're my saviour!"

"Ha, ha," he said awkwardly, averting his eyes. Just how crazy and bizarre her experiments had to be for the university to refuse their execution? And why couldn't she just use her own blood if it was nothing really important? Why did she have to emotionally torture innocent, unsuspecting students?

"Alright, now please roll up your sleeves and extend your arm out." 

As he did that, she went away for a second and came back with a syringe. "This won't hurt, I promise," she stated, and Eren suddenly felt like he would never be able to trust anything that came out of this woman's mouth. She asked him to make a fist, and then, just as he thought, he felt the icky, unpleasant sensation of the needle penetrating his skin. Thankfully, it didn't last long.

"Nice!" she exclaimed once the syringe was full. Handing him a piece of gauze, she told him to apply pressure for about two minutes until she came back from storing the sample. 

She hadn't taken a lot of blood, but he still felt a bit dizzy. Although that probably was because of the effect she had on him. She was fucking terrifying. 

"Okay, that's all! Thank you very much, Eren." 

_Great, can I just leave now?_

"I, uh, you're welcome. Well, I gotta go—" he started, turning around and getting ready to run the fuck out.

"Hold up, didn't you want to ask me something about Mikasa?" 

Shit, right, that's why he'd subjected himself to such a ghastly experience in the first place! He'd almost forgotten because of how spooked he felt!

"Right," he nodded, turning back to the woman, who was now looking down at something on the desk. "So... um, I wanted to know what's going on. Why do people ignore her? Do they hate her or something? I mean, you must know because apparently you know her—"

"Oooh, that? I thought you wanted to know something else! That makes this really easy, then."

He was about to ask what she meant, when she lifted her gaze up, an unsettling, thrilling gleam shining in the vastness of her eyes. "You see," she started, cheshire-like grin getting impossibly wider, "that's because she's a murderer." 

A long moment of silence passed between them, as Eren's eyes slowly widened. He wondered if he had heard that right. Was he hallucinating, or had he fainted after the blood extraction?

How could something like that be possible? Mikasa, a _murderer_? 

"Whoops, now I wonder if I really should have told you." 

That seemed to make Eren snap into reality, and he sharply turned his head towards the woman, something like anger forming a pit in his stomach. "Professor, those types of jokes _are not funny_." 

"I'm not joking," she said, her features becoming unusually serious, taking Eren by surprise. "I understand why you don't believe me. Here, see for yourself." She handed him the thing she'd been staring at a second before, and Eren realised it was a piece of an old newspaper article. 

"What...?" he trailed off incredulously, his eyes pinned to the title. 

_9-year-old kills parents' murderers._

"No way..." he whispered, as he skimmed over the content, eyes widening after every word. Did Mikasa really—?

Zoe sighed, stepping closer to Eren. "I don't think anyone can blame her. She wasn't convicted, obviously, since she was a child." 

"Is this... does everyone in Rose know about this?"

"Yes. It was a particularly important case, you see. Her parents were extremely influential people, friends with all the big names in the community." There was somewhat of a grim tone lacing the woman's words, although it was to be expected. "That's why people are so scared of her. You don't often hear of a child doing something like that, even in self-defence." 

It sounded completely ridiculous. That's right, how could a child be capable of such a thing? How could Mikasa, the composed, serene,  _gentle_ Mikasa be capable of it?

And yet, he didn't feel as shocked as he thought he'd be. In truth, all he felt was anger.

Anger at the fact that Mikasa had to not only live with the pain of being left with no family, but also with the knowledge that she'd been forced to turn into something horrible and give her childhood away in order to survive.

Still, he felt glad that Mikasa had killed those bastards _—_ they'd gotten what they fucking deserved. He hoped they were rotting in hell at that very instant. And people—all those fuckers dared to look down on her, dared to think of her as a _monster—_

"Eren, stop it! You're going to hurt yourself," he heard Zoe say, although her voice sounded more amused than concerned. "Oh, too late."

Only then did he notice he'd been clenching his fists a little too hard, apparently hard enough to draw some blood out of his palm. 

What the fuck. 

"If you'd told me you were able to do this before, you could've spared yourself the syringe," she joked, eyes glinting again as she regarded him curiously, before wiping the blood away with a paper towel. 

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me," he said, not really able to mask his surprise. How the fuck had he done that? 

"Well, in any case, now you have the answer to your question. Doesn't that make you happy?" she asked, a weird smile stretching across her face, as if she was waiting for a particular reaction from him. In that moment, he felt like a meek, clueless mouse trapped in a mad scientist's experiment, and oddly enough, he felt a sense of déjà vu creeping up in his gut. Once again, whatever emotion he had before was momentarily replaced by the terror this woman made him feel. 

"Uh, yes. _Immensely._ Now, then, I'll just... get going." He awkwardly smiled up at her, quickly snatching his hand away from her grip and getting ready to leave before she asked him yet another one of her _favours_. "Thanks for... yeah. Uh, see you in class, professor."

"Bye bye, Eren! Thank you again for the valuable sample!"

Without another word, he stiffly left the lab room and closed the door behind him, drawing out a long, deep breath afterwards. 

That was just... woah. It was wild. He literally felt traumatised. 

He wouldn't do it again even if he got paid. 

At least he'd gotten some answers, but, still... He didn't know what to make of the whole thing. He felt so confused. Shit, maybe it would've been better if he had just left the damn issue alone.

Of course he didn't blame Mikasa, and much less hated her. On the contrary, he had some sort of newfound, fucked-up respect towards her. But still, he didn't know how he'd act around the raven-haired girl now that he knew about her past. Probably what worried him most was her realising that he knew, and getting mad at him for going behind her back instead of asking her directly.  

He just knew that if he didn't calm down, he'd probably end punching up a hole in the wall. And just like everything concerning his life, he decided to put it in a corner of his mind and completely forget about it, at least until it became relevant. 

Sighing once more, he decided that it would be good to go out for a walk and clear up his mind a bit. And so that's what he did. 

Once he left campus, he walked for about half an hour around the neighbourhood. Since it was a Friday evening, there were many people loitering around, doing the typical shit people did on such a day. He felt a bit cold, as the jacket he was wearing didn't really protect him much from the fierce, chilly spring winds. Shouldn't it be getting warmer? Summer was right around the corner, after all.    

Now that he thought of it, the day was unusually cold. Ah, yes. He remembered reading in the weather forecast that morning that it would  rain around 5pm. Letting a small grin slip into his face, he felt proud that this time he'd remembered to bring a small umbrella with him. So when after some minutes small droplets started falling from the sky, he wasn't caught off guard. 

It still sucked to be outside while it rained, since even if you had an umbrella, it was impossible to cover every part of your body from the rain—not to mention your shoes always managed to get wet and muddy. So he decided it was probably about time to go back to campus. He'd managed to calm himself down a bit and distract his mind from the previous events of the day, so he felt pleased about the walk.

As he walked back to campus and passed by the park he'd grown to love, he lamented not being able to stop and rest for a while on the grass. Well, he could technically still make a brief stop and rest under the gazebo from the other day, especially since it was still a bit too early to go back home. Surely some minutes couldn't hurt...

Deciding to go inside the park after all, he made his way towards the gazebo and leaned against the railing. There were about two other people under it, but he didn't really have time to look at them since he was busy closing and putting away his umbrella. 

"You," he suddenly heard a voice say next to him, and almost had a heart attack when he realised it was the little angry man from the other day. He was leaning against the railing, a few steps away from the brunet.

What the fuck? He'd been practically running into him everywhere! Well, it really wasn't that surprising if you thought about it, since said man was a regular at the park, and Eren had kind of become one too. 

"Uh, yes?" he said, wondering why he felt so nervous all of a sudden.

"Are you following me or something?" 

There was an edge to the man's comment that made Eren immediately tense on the spot. Ah, yes, that's why. 

Why did the raven have to automatically jump to the worst conclusion? He wasn't a fucking stalker, unlike his biochemistry professor! However, as sharp as those words might've seemed, the boy could've sworn he heard something light in them that lead him to think the man was probably just messing with him.

"How do I know it's not you who's following me?" he answered back, trying to sound accusing and snarky, but the amused smile on his lips gave him away.  

The man's eyes slightly narrowed as he tilted his head, regarding Eren with something akin to caution. For a second there, Eren thought he'd insult him for trying to play it smart, but the man merely shrugged before saying, "touché." Then, he looked away. 

Eren couldn't help to wonder why he'd been so surprised to find him there. Maybe it was because he only remembered him from the café, and not from that other time in the park when he'd returned the book? 

Regarding him from the corner of his eyes, only then did Eren notice the little droplets coating and almost merging with the man's dark clothes and hair. He hadn't realised it before, but the man was almost completely drenched from the rain.

Just like that other time, a few days before.

It felt somehow surreal, being met again with the same sad, confusing sight. The intense sense of déjà vu that immediately followed in wasn't entirely misplaced. Only that this time, as Eren was fully awake and conscious, there was nothing hazy, disorienting or particularly odd about the scene in front of him. The man looked like just any other person who had been unlucky enough to be caught under the unforgiving, cold rain. Even Eren had been in a similar predicament just the other day, too, because he'd forgotten his umbrella at home. The contrast of what he'd faintly remembered—confusion, grogginess,  _sorrow_ —from the ordinariness of what he was actually seeing was off-putting.

His foggy, sleepy mind must've imagined it all, he concluded, feeling something in between relief and disappointment. It made sense for such a dreamlike, depressing memory to be just a product of his wild, bored, and probably a little fucked-up mind. 

He let his gaze fall to the ground, but then something caught his eye—in one hand, the man was holding the same closed green umbrella he always seemed to carry around. 

Okay, but then, why was he so drenched up?

Looking closely at the umbrella, he noticed it wasn't nearly as wet as the man himself. 

Before he had time to excessively mull over that little fact and feel distress once more because, fuck—that meant he hadn't been dreaming, it hadn't been an illusion; the man had definitely gotten all drenched up  _on purpose,_ hadn't he? That was fucking _depressing_ —, the raven suddenly turned his head towards him with a frown. "What is it now?"

Eren panicked, embarrassed to have been caught staring yet again.

"You're so wet," he blurted out, grimacing right after. Shit, that came out wrong. "I—I mean, even if you have an umbrella with you, you're still completely soaked up."

The man clicked his tongue, crossing his arms. That comment seemed to annoy him more than normal, judging by his sudden rigid posture. "How observant of you." 

"I... was only wondering why?" he added, mentally hitting himself. He should've just kept quiet. 

The man's gaze dropped down to the floor contemplatively, as if he was considering something. Eren thought for a moment he'd rudely snap him off, until the man looked back up, and then, "this fucking piece of shit doesn't work. That's why."

Eren almost choked at the answer, expecting everything but that. He even heard someone gasp behind him, and looked away towards the other person besides them under the gazebo, a frail-looking old lady. It was comical how shocked she seemed at the raven's foul language, although he didn't blame her. 

Okay, so... not only did he keep the umbrella with him pointlessly when it wasn't raining, but it also proved to be utterly useless when it actually did rain?

Not being able to contain his curiosity, he went on, "Then why do you carry it around with you all the time, even when it isn't raining?"

That was, after all, something that had been bugging him from the very beginning. It seemed such a stupid, redundant, useless thing to do. Surely he must have a good reason, no?

The man slightly raised his eyebrows, looking somewhat startled for a moment—almost caught... off guard?—, before his lips curved downwards. Once more, Eren thought this time he'd surely tell him to go mind his own business— _come on, Eren had to admit he was probably annoying the hell out of him—,_  but that time never came. 

Instead, all he got was a very vague and contextually strange shrug, accompanied by an even stranger, "I just like it." 

He blinked slowly at the man. "You just like it," he repeated, tone disbelieving, probably sounding disappointed.

Well, he wasn't even going to lie, he'd been expecting something more interesting. 

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" 

What on earth, who even did that? It was such a childish, petty thing to do—especially for a grown-ass man like the raven—, that Eren couldn't contain himself and suddenly burst out in laughter at how ridiculous that was, earning himself a weird stare.

"What the fuck? What the hell is wrong with you?" the man said, and the fact that he sounded like Eren was some strange, bizarre creature made him laugh even harder. To Eren, the weird one here was definitely the man, not him.

That's why he was still not convinced. The man must have another reason, but he guessed that if the first time asking hadn't worked, then insisting wouldn't do much use. 

When he finally stopped laughing, he noticed the man regarding him cautiously. "Nothing, nothing. You're just funny," he explained lightly, not thinking anything of his comment until the man made a weird face.  

"There's definitely something wrong with you," the older said, sounding slightly amused despite the apparent edge of his words. And if he'd ever thought of this little, weird man as scary, now Eren was starting to see he really wasn't—or not as much as he'd initially thought, at least. Yes, he did look like he could rip you a new asshole, came across as very harsh and rude and Eren still found him sad and miserably pitiful, but he wasn't exactly unwelcoming in the strict sense of the word. 

"Do you make a habit of insulting strangers?" he asked with a smirk, leaning a bit further onto the railing, his words echoing against the sound of the rain droplets meeting the ground.  

"Only when they make it so easy to," the man answered, casually tucking his hands into his coat pockets after rubbing them together. The boy followed the movement with his eyes, very aware of the chilly air against his own skin.

"Won't you get sick?" Eren asked suddenly, gesturing awkwardly at the man's form, "it's not good to stay drenched for so long, you know." 

Giving him another strange look, the man merely shrugged again. He seemed to like doing that a lot. "Worry about yourself, kid." 

 _I'm not a kid,_ was Eren's instinctive first response, but considering it would probably earn him a ' _yeah, sure'_  from the man, he said instead, "hey, I think I told you my name is—" 

"Eren, I know," the man cut him off, making said boy stop for a second, gaze jumping up to his face.

"You remember?" 

Raising an eyebrow, the man scoffed. "Don't insult my memory, you think I'm old enough to already have memory loss? Of course I remember."

"Ah," Eren exhaled, not really knowing what to make of that. So the man probably remembered him from the other times, too. Well, he supposed it was a good thing he'd made some sort of a lasting impression, even if he was sure it hadn't been a very good one. 

"Do you live around here?" he asked a moment later, although he wasn't sure why he was still talking to the raven. He felt like one of those old ladies on the bus that randomly striked up a conversation with you. He supposed he did it out of curiosity—the man was certainly intriguing—and because it was a way of passing the time while he waited for the rain to stop. The man didn't particularly seem like he wanted to talk at the moment either (even if he'd answered all his questions so far), but he figured that if he really had a problem with Eren talking to him, he would've told him to fuck off long ago. 

"Yes," he responded simply to the boy's question, not really elaborating. Well, Eren understood where he was coming from; he wouldn't tell the details of where he lived to a random stranger either. 

"Oh, that must be nice. This is quite an expensive area though," he commented, thinking about how cool it would've been if he had gotten a small apartment around here instead of his college dorm room, despite the latter being obviously cheaper.

"Expensive? No, not really," the older man said, shaking his head. "You clearly haven't been to Trost." 

"Trost?" Eren asked, searching in his mind for the name. It sounded familiar. 

"It's in the outer part of the city. I wouldn't advise you to go there, though."

"Why not?" Eren titled his head to the side, even more curious now. "Is it dangerous or something?"

"No. The smell of rich pigs is just too strong." 

The boy scrunched his face up at the weird answer, only now remembering Mikasa saying she lived there. How could a nice, proper, well-kept area be that bad? Some stuck-up, corrupt, annoying neighbours were definitely worth living in such a nice place. "I'd gladly take that instead of the smell of old pizza, dirty socks and vodka."

That earned him a disgusted look from the man.

"What?" Eren asked defensively, "wouldn't you?"

"That's not the issue," the raven's lips pulled down into a grimace, "in what kind of place do you live, kid? I think I'd kill myself if I had to put up with that."

"Wow, thanks. You just made my college life ten times sadder." 

"You're a college student?" The raven sounded genuinely surprised, which threw Eren off. 

"Of course I am! Did you think I was in high school?" he asked back, voice laced with incredulity. Okay, he was probably overreacting. It wasn't that weird for someone to think he was still in school, since Eren was only 18 and freshly graduated. If he were older than twenty he'd probably take a bigger offence.   

Still, he thought the pizza and vodka part had made it obvious enough. So a second later, he added, "what kind of high schooler lives off of pizza and alcohol anyway?" 

"You'd be surprised at how fucked up youth is nowadays," the man deadpanned, raising a hand to his chin, resting his elbow on the railing. "And, honestly, you look like you're in middle school." 

Okay, now  _that_ was just ridiculous. He was sure the man was messing with him on purpose. 

"Yeah? Well, you—" he paused for a second, thinking of something smart and insulting to throw back at the man, "—you look like you're thirty something!"

The raven raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth perking up into what suspiciously looked like a smirk. "Well, smart shit, that's because I _am_  in my thirties." 

A flush of embarrassment creeped up into his face at his lame and miserably failed comeback. What the hell, the man looked like he was 27 at most! He should've said he looked forty or something. "That—I had no way of—you know what, you win," he grumbled, before sharply looking away. He didn't know what to say after that, so he just stayed silent. The man didn't say anything either, but Eren could see a little, almost invisible amused smile on his lips. 

Strangely enough, knowing he'd been the one to bring amusement into the man's previously bitter features made Eren feel oddly satisfied, despite his pride having been scraped in the process. That was exactly what he'd wanted to see the day he'd returned him the book. 

After a few seconds of silence, the raven pushed himself away from the railing, dusting his coat off. That's when Eren noticed the sky had darkened considerably, and the rain had stopped falling. He briefly turned his head back, noticing the old lady was gone too.

The man turned on his heels a second later and started walking away—ah, was he leaving?—giving the boy an acknowledging glance as he exited the gazebo. The fact that he hadn't said some sort of goodbye bothered the boy, although he knew there was really no reason for him to. It wasn't like they knew each other.

"Wait!" he suddenly called out before he could realise what he was doing, making the man turn over his shoulder. The boy squinted his eyes at himself, not sure why he'd said that—he didn't really have anything to say to the man.

The raven was regarding him expectantly now, so Eren blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"What's your name?"

A second passed by, and he wondered if maybe the man didn't want to tell him. He was about to apologise for asking, when the raven opened his mouth.

"Levi." 

And with that, he turned back once more towards the entrance of the park, walking away with steady steps until he was out of sight. 

The lampposts started coming to life in the moments that followed, enveloping the gazebo and the trees in a faint, warm glow that clashed against the coldness of the evening. Silence reigned over the park once more, although he could hear in the far distance the joyful cries of the city. The smell of rain and wet earth lingered in the air, the ghost echoes of the long departed raindrops still fresh on his ears. 

It seemed funny to Eren—fitting, almost—how the man always seemed to be in such perfect tune with the rain. He seemed to appear whenever it started falling, and disappear whenever it was gone.  

He realised he finally had a name to give to the strange, sad little man. 

 _Levi_ , he mouthed, tasting the sound on his lips. 

It was a nice name, Eren thought. It wasn't a name you heard very often so it was definitely not what he'd been expecting, but it was fitting nonetheless.

Short, sharp-sounding and mysterious, much like the man himself. He repeated it in his mind many times, committing it to memory.

He didn't know why he felt the need to, though. He was sure he would never forget it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on, that Mikasa thing was pretty obvious—yeeee, I'm ripping off canon plotlines, sue me gurl.  
> Also, yup, Eren can finally stop calling him the 'little angry man from the park' ﾍ(=￣∇￣)ﾉ 
> 
> So, I apologise again for the tardiness. This time around, I will make no promises, because I don't want to disappoint you guys. But I can tell you this, I'll never stop updating this fic even if it takes me years. Hopefully I'll live long enough for that haha
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


End file.
